Why Don’t I Feel Like Enough?

Why Don’t I Feel Like Enough?

We are constantly bombarded with a cultural message that feels both compelling and comforting: put yourself first. From social media to self-help books, the rallying cry is clear: you deserve “me time,” your needs come first, and you should cut anyone out of your life who doesn’t “add value” to it. This philosophy is so deeply ingrained that it feels like a natural truth. After all, isn’t it true that we instinctively look at ourselves first in every group photo? We quickly scan for our own image to determine if the picture is good or not. This instinct to put ourselves first is one of the most natural things we do.

The Allure and Emptiness of the Self-First Life

Yet, this natural instinct is constantly at odds with a higher calling and a deeper truth. While society urges us to prioritize ourselves, a powerful paradox emerges. We are a generation obsessed with self-care and personal fulfillment, yet we are more anxious, stressed, and depressed than ever before. If putting ourselves first is the key to happiness, why do we so often feel empty, isolated, and, in a word, “not enough?”

The answer may be both simple and confronting: perhaps our problem isn’t that we don’t love ourselves enough, but that we love ourselves too much.

The “me-first” mentality creates a self-centered view of the world. It can even lead to a self-centered version of spirituality, where we believe a higher power exists to serve our needs. We may claim to love this divine being, but in reality, we often love what we can get from it—a sense of peace, a better life, a promise of a future reward. When a prayer isn’t answered in the way we want or a hardship isn’t removed, our faith is shaken because it was built on a foundation of self-interest rather than a genuine, selfless relationship.

A core principle found in timeless spiritual wisdom is the call to love a higher power and to love others. The teachings of Jesus make this clear. When asked about the greatest command, he didn’t say, “Love yourself.” He said to love a higher power with all your heart, soul, and mind, and to “love your neighbor as yourself.” The crucial distinction here is that he did not command us to love ourselves because he assumed we already do. He recognized that self-love is an innate human drive. The real challenge, then, is not to learn to love ourselves, but to redirect that powerful, innate love outward, toward something greater than ourselves and toward others.

The Radical Alternative: The Call to Self-Denial

In a culture that tells us to “pamper yourself” and “put yourself first,” the teachings of self-denial are particularly jarring. Jesus’ words to his disciples were shocking even in their own time. When he said, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me,” his followers understood exactly what he meant.

In the Roman-occupied world, taking up one’s cross was a public act of humiliation and execution. It meant dying to oneself completely. It was a clear and brutal metaphor for a total surrender of the self. Jesus was not suggesting a small sacrifice; he was calling for a radical departure from the idea that our lives are all about our own wants, desires, and dreams.

The path to a truly fulfilled life is not found in prioritizing our own schedule, guarding our “me time,” or cutting people out who don’t add value. In fact, some of the most profound moments in life and faith are interruptions to our well-laid plans. It is in slowing down, being present with others, and allowing our schedules to be disrupted that we find the deepest purpose and love. The most important thing we do is not what we accomplish, but how we love.

This is not a call to ignore our needs. It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take a nap or enjoy a sweet treat. But it does challenge the motive behind our actions. If the sole purpose of self-care is for ourselves, it remains a selfish act. But if the purpose of self-care is to be healthy—mentally, emotionally, and spiritually—so that we can better love a higher power and serve others, then it is a selfless act. It is a purposeful act of filling your cup so you can pour into others.

The Unshakeable Reality of Grace

The “self-first” mentality often leads to a “self-centered” version of spirituality, where we pick and choose what we believe based on what’s comfortable. This is a faith of convenience that seeks to add a higher power to our lives without subtracting our own selfish nature. But a true, authentic faith is one of total surrender. It is a daily decision to die to our selfish desires and offer our lives as a “living sacrifice.”

This is not a journey to be embarked upon through willpower alone. Our own self-love is a powerful force that we cannot defeat on our own. It is an internal battle that requires a supernatural intervention. This is why a true spiritual path is rooted in grace. We are not saved by our works or by our ability to be good. We are transformed by the perfect work of a higher power who, in an act of ultimate self-denial, gave everything for us.

In view of that ultimate love and mercy, we are called to give our lives in return. It’s a profound exchange: a life of self-obsession for a life of purpose. It’s not about being perfect, but about being willing to deny ourselves and follow a higher path. This is a daily choice to surrender our own desires and live for a greater glory. It is a choice to step away from the lie of self-centeredness and into the truth that sets us free. This is a journey of true transformation, where we are made new from the inside out.

A Reflection on Love

The qualities of true love stand in stark contrast to the traits of a self-obsessed life. Love is patient and kind. It is not boastful or proud. It is not self-seeking or easily angered. These qualities are impossible to cultivate when we are consumed with our own needs and desires. Love cannot flourish in a self-centered environment.

So, the question for reflection is this: In what area of your life are you loving yourself more than you are loving a higher power and loving others? And what is the next step you need to take toward a life of self-denial?

This is a personal and sincere question, not a matter of judgment. It is an invitation to look inward with honesty and courage. When we do, we begin to see the areas where our lives are out of alignment with our true purpose. It is in this moment of honest confession and surrender that true change can begin.

The “me-first” culture may promise happiness and freedom, but it is a lie. The path to a fulfilled life is not found in loving ourselves into happiness, but in denying ourselves and offering our lives as a living sacrifice. It is a journey that leads to a love that is patient, kind, and never fails, and a purpose that is greater than anything we could ever accomplish on our own.