The Catalyst Principle of Willingness

Chapter 19 of Realized Serenity

The Catalyst Principle of Willingness

After we have defined our values and committed to a life of integrity, we often encounter a powerful and perplexing obstacle: our own internal resistance. We may know exactly what we need to do, but we find ourselves unable to do it. This is where the sixth principle, Willingness, becomes the catalyst for all further transformation. Willingness is the key that opens the door when our own willpower is not enough. After our courageous self-assessment reveals the patterns we need to change, Willingness is the internal state of being truly ready to have those limiting habits removed.

A Story of Willingness

Tom knew he needed to quit smoking. He had the knowledge, he had the desire, but he was stuck. Every time he tried, a deep resistance would rise up. He felt completely unwilling to face the discomfort. His breakthrough came when he changed his approach. Instead of trying to force himself to be willing, he simply started to pray for it. Every morning, he would say, “Today, I am willing to be made willing to quit.” He didn’t feel any different at first, but he kept at it. Slowly, subtly, something began to shift. The resistance began to soften. A few weeks later, he found himself ready. The willingness he had prayed for had arrived, not through force, but through a gentle opening.

The Antidote to Resistance

Willingness is the direct antidote to the stubbornness and resistance that keep us stuck. Resistance is the ego’s defense mechanism against change. Even when a habit or pattern is causing us immense suffering, the ego often perceives it as familiar and therefore “safe.” The prospect of change, even positive change, represents the unknown, which the ego registers as a threat. This creates a powerful internal conflict: a part of us desperately wants to change, while another part digs in its heels, terrified to let go.

This is the state of being “stuck.” We are caught between the pain of our current situation and the fear of the unknown. Willpower alone is often insufficient to overcome this internal stalemate. Trying to force ourselves to change can even strengthen the resistance, turning our inner world into a battlefield. Willingness offers a different path. It is not about fighting the resistance; it is about gently dissolving it. It is the understanding that we must become willing to be helped and willing to be changed by a power greater than our own struggling ego.

The Nature of Unwillingness

To cultivate willingness, it helps to understand the nature of its opposite. Unwillingness is not just laziness or procrastination. It is a form of energetic stagnation, often rooted in deep-seated fears. What is the “payoff” for staying stuck? What comfort does the familiar pattern provide, even if it’s painful?

For Tom, the “payoff” of smoking might have been a reliable way to manage stress or a familiar ritual that structured his day. The unwillingness to quit was not a character flaw; it was a fear of facing his life without this coping mechanism. His resistance was a misguided attempt at self-protection.

When we feel unwilling, we are often protecting a vulnerable part of ourselves. Unwillingness to set a boundary might be protecting us from the fear of another person’s anger. Unwillingness to leave a toxic job might be protecting us from the fear of financial insecurity. By looking at our resistance with curiosity instead of judgment, we can begin to understand its underlying fears. This compassionate inquiry is the first step in softening our hearts and creating an opening for willingness to enter.

Willingness as a Catalyst, Not a Force

The great paradox of willingness is that it cannot be forced. You cannot simply decide to be willing through sheer force of will, any more than you can force a flower to bloom. Willingness is not an action; it is a state of being. It is a receptive posture of openness. It is the simple, humble admission, “My way is not working. I am ready to try something different.”

This is why Tom’s story is so instructive. He didn’t try to bully himself into quitting. He took a step back and simply began to cultivate the state of willingness itself. His prayer, “I am willing to be made willing,” is a powerful tool. It bypasses the resistant ego and speaks directly to a deeper part of ourselves, or to a Higher Power. It doesn’t require us to be willing in that moment; it only asks that we be open to the possibility of becoming willing at some point in the future.

This gentle approach is the key. It respects the ego’s fear while simultaneously creating a space for a new possibility to emerge. Willingness is the catalyst that allows the alchemy of change to occur. It doesn’t cause the change directly, but it creates the necessary conditions for the change to happen.

Cultivating a Willing Spirit

If we cannot force willingness, how do we cultivate it? We do so through small, consistent practices that signal our intention to our deeper self and to the universe.

• The Willingness Prayer: As Tom demonstrated, a simple prayer or affirmation is the cornerstone of this practice. When you encounter a wall of resistance, instead of fighting it, simply state your intention: “I am open and willing to see this differently.” “I am willing to be made willing to forgive.” “I am willing to let go of this pattern when the time is right.”
• Act As If: Willingness is a muscle that grows stronger with use. When you feel unwilling to do something you know is good for you (like meditating or exercising), make a deal with yourself to do it for just five minutes. “Act as if” you are a willing person for that short period. Often, the feeling of willingness will follow the action. The initial momentum can overcome the inertia of resistance.
• Move Your Body: Resistance is often a state of physical and energetic stagnation. One of the fastest ways to shift a state of mental unwillingness is to change your physical state. Go for a walk, do some gentle stretching, or put on music and dance. Moving your body helps to move the stuck energy and can create the very opening your mind needs to become more willing.

By engaging in these practices, we are not attacking our resistance. We are gently tending the soil of our inner world, creating a fertile ground where the seed of willingness can naturally sprout and grow.

Putting it into Practice: Cultivating a Willing Spirit

• The Willingness Prayer: For moments of resistance, simply repeat this prayer, either silently or aloud: “Higher Power, I am willing to be made willing.” This prayer doesn’t require you to be willing; it only asks that you be open to becoming willing.
• Act As If: Willingness is a muscle. When you feel unwilling to do something you know is good for you, commit to doing it for just five minutes. “Act as if” you ar