The Grounding Principle of Integrity

Chapter 18 of Realized Serenity

The Grounding Principle of Integrity

After the courageous work of self-assessment, the spiritual path leads us to the fifth principle: Integrity. Integrity is the state of being whole and undivided. It is the practice of becoming authentic, truthful, and real, where our outer life begins to accurately reflect our inner values. If Truth is seeing reality and Courage is facing it, Integrity is the act of living in alignment with that reality. When we live with integrity, the painful gap between the person we aspire to be and the person we are in our daily actions begins to close. This is where our spiritual practice moves from an abstract concept into a lived, embodied reality.

A Story of Integrity

Jessica valued kindness above all else, yet she found herself frequently engaging in office gossip. It felt good in the moment, a way to bond with her colleagues, but she always left these conversations feeling a subtle sense of self-betrayal. It was a small thing, but it created a crack in her sense of self. Practicing integrity, she made a quiet commitment: for one week, she would not say anything about a person that she wouldn’t say to them directly. It was harder than she thought. She had to politely excuse herself from conversations and bite her tongue more than once. But at the end of the week, she felt a new sense of wholeness. Her actions were finally in alignment with her values, and the peace that came from that was far more satisfying than the temporary thrill of gossip.

The Antidote to a Divided Self

Integrity is the direct antidote to the profound pain of a divided self. This is the inner friction and exhaustion that comes from a lack of authenticity. It is the stress of keeping up appearances, of wearing different masks for different people, and the deep loneliness of feeling that no one truly knows you. A divided self is constantly performing, calculating, and managing perceptions. This is an incredibly draining way to live.

The pain of a divided self manifests in many ways: the self-betrayal Jessica felt after gossiping, the broken promises we make to ourselves to eat better or meditate, the way we say “yes” when our whole being is screaming “no.” Each of these small moments is a micro-betrayal of our own truth. Over time, these moments erode our self-trust and self-respect, leaving us feeling hollow and disconnected. The practice of Integrity is the process of integration, of gathering the fragmented pieces of ourselves and becoming whole.

The Foundation of Integrity: Defining Your Core Values

We cannot live in alignment with values we have not consciously identified. Many of us operate on a set of inherited, unexamined values from our family, culture, or religion. The first step in building a life of integrity is to get quiet and determine what is truly important to us. This is an extension of the courageous self-assessment, but instead of looking at our patterns, we are looking for our principles.

This process involves deep reflection and journaling. We ask ourselves questions like: “What qualities do I admire most in other people?” “When have I felt most alive and authentic?” “What would I stand for, even if I stood alone?” From this inquiry, we can distill a short list of three to five core values. These might be words like Honesty, Compassion, Freedom, Security, Growth, or Connection.

These values become our personal constitution, our North Star. They are the criteria against which we can measure our choices. When faced with a decision, big or small, a person practicing integrity can ask, “Which choice is most in alignment with my core values?” This simple question can cut through immense confusion and provide a clear path forward.

Integrity in Action: From Values to Lived Experience

Once we have defined our values, integrity demands that we practice them. This is where the path gets very real and practical.

• Making and Keeping Promises to Yourself: Integrity begins with the promises we make to ourselves. Every time you commit to a five-minute meditation and you do it, you are building integrity. Every time you promise yourself you’ll go for a walk and you follow through, you are building self-trust. Small, consistent acts of keeping your word to yourself are the foundational bricks of a whole and integrated life.
• The Living Amends: The courageous self-assessment reveals where our past actions were out of alignment with our values and caused harm. Integrity asks us to take responsibility for that harm. This often takes the form of a “living amends.” It may involve a direct, sincere apology: “I was out of line when I said that. I am sorry.” An apology is not about getting a response; it is about cleaning up our side of the street and restoring our own integrity. More broadly, a living amends is about changing our behavior. If we harmed someone through our impatience, the living amends is the daily practice of patience.
• Boundaries as an Act of Integrity: As mentioned in the principle of Courage, setting boundaries is a primary way we live with integrity. A boundary is a clear expression of our values. If we value peace, we may need a boundary around engaging in arguments. If we value family, we may need a boundary around our work hours. Saying “no” to things that are out of alignment with our values is a powerful act of saying “yes” to ourselves.

Jessica’s story is a perfect example of integrity in action. Her value was kindness. Her action (gossip) was out of alignment. Her practice was to make a new choice that aligned her behavior with her value. The result was not a reward or praise from others, but an inner sense of wholeness and peace, which is the true hallmark of a life of integrity.

Putting it into Practice: Living a Whole Life

• Define Your Core Values: You cannot live in alignment with values you haven’t defined. Take time to journal and identify your top three to five core values (Examples: Honesty, Compassion, Freedom, Security, Growth, Connection).
• Conduct a Weekly Integrity Review: At the end of each week, take 10 minutes for a private review. Look back over your week and ask: “In what moments did my actions align with my core values? In what moments were they out of alignment?” The goal is not perfection; it is awareness.
• Make a Living Amends: The principle of Integrity asks us to take responsibility for our actions. When you act out of alignment with your values and cause harm, the practice is to clean it up. A simple, sincere apology—”I was out of line. I am sorry.”—can restore integrity and repair connection.

This Week’s Practice

Look at the core values you defined. Choose one. For the next seven days, make that value your primary focus. Before making decisions, ask yourself, “Which choice is most in alignment with this value?” Notice how it feels to act from this centered place.

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