The Empowering Principle of Courage

Chapter 17 of Realized Serenity

The Empowering Principle of Courage

After we have admitted the truth of our situation, opened ourselves to hope, and begun to practice surrender, the path requires a fourth principle: Courage. The journey inward is not for the faint of heart. Courage, in this context, is not the absence of fear; it is the willingness to act in spite of it. It is the quality that allows us to turn and face the aspects of ourselves and our lives that we have spent years avoiding. Its most crucial application on this path is in undertaking a courageous and honest self-assessment. This is the daunting but essential task of looking honestly at our past actions, our limiting habits, and the deep-seated patterns that have caused suffering for ourselves and others.

A Story of Courage

For years, Maria blamed her unhappiness on her difficult marriage. Her husband was the problem; she was the victim. It was a painful but comfortable story. The principle of Courage asked her to look at her own part. With a trusted therapist, she began to explore her patterns of passive aggression, her fear of confrontation, and her unspoken expectations. It was excruciating work. She had to face parts of herself she had long denied. But on the other side of that fear, she found a new sense of empowerment. By taking responsibility for her part, she was no longer a helpless victim. She had the power to change, regardless of what her husband did.

The Antidote to Avoidance

Courage is the direct antidote to the deeply ingrained habit of avoidance. As human beings, we are wired to avoid pain. We avoid difficult conversations, we avoid looking at our finances, and most of all, we avoid looking clearly at our own character flaws and shortcomings. Avoidance provides a fleeting moment of relief, but it is a prison that keeps us small and stuck. Every time we choose to avoid a necessary truth, we reinforce the belief that we are not strong enough to handle it.

The practice of courage systematically dismantles this prison. It is a declaration that we are willing to experience temporary discomfort for the sake of long-term freedom and growth. Maria’s story illustrates this perfectly. The story that her husband was the sole source of her problems was a form of avoidance. It protected her from the pain of looking at her own contributions to the dynamic. But this protection came at the cost of her own power. By mustering the courage to look at her own patterns, she stepped out of the victim role and into the role of a conscious creator of her own life. Courage, therefore, is the key that unlocks the door to personal responsibility and true empowerment.

The Courageous Self-Assessment: Turning the Light Inward

The centerpiece of this principle is a formal, structured self-assessment. This is not a casual reflection; it is a deep and honest inventory of our inner world. The purpose is not to dredge up the past in order to wallow in it, but to see it clearly so that we can be free from it. When we don’t understand the unconscious patterns that drive us, we are doomed to repeat them. This inventory is the act of making the unconscious conscious. It requires immense courage because it asks us to look at the very things our ego has worked so hard to keep hidden.

This process is best done with a journal, in a safe and quiet space where we can be completely honest with ourselves. We approach this work not with the intention of judging ourselves, but with the intention of healing. We become compassionate witnesses to our own lives, seeking to understand, not to condemn.

The Three Lenses of Insight

To bring structure to this courageous work, we can look at our lives through three distinct but interconnected lenses.

• Resentments: We begin by making a list of all the people, institutions, and principles we are angry at. We write down every grudge, big or small. Then, for each resentment, we courageously ask a series of questions. “What is the specific action that I am angry about?” “What part of me felt threatened or diminished (e.g., my self-esteem, my security, my ambitions)?” And finally, the most crucial and courageous question of all: “What was my part in this situation?” Perhaps we were dishonest, selfish, or fearful. Perhaps we failed to set a boundary or speak our truth. This question is not about blaming ourselves; it is about reclaiming our power. As long as the other person is 100% of the problem, we are 100% a victim. The moment we see our part, however small, we find the place where we have the power to change.
• Fears: Next, we turn the light on our fears. We make an exhaustive list of what frightens us. These fears can be tangible (fear of losing a job, fear of illness) or existential (fear of failure, fear of being alone, fear of not being good enough). Once the list is made, we reflect on how these fears have driven our decisions and behaviors throughout our lives. We begin to see that fear has been a secret puppeteer, pulling the strings behind many of our choices. We see how the fear of not being good enough led us to perfectionism, or how the fear of conflict led us to avoid necessary conversations. This awareness is the first step in choosing to act from a place of love or wisdom, rather than from a place of fear.
• Harms Caused: This lens requires the most courage. Looking at our resentments and fears, we now ask, “Where have my actions, driven by these patterns, caused harm to others?” We list the specific instances where our selfishness, dishonesty, or fear-driven behavior has negatively impacted another person. This is not an exercise in generating shame. Shame says, “I am a bad person.” Courageous responsibility says, “I am a good person who did a harmful thing, and I am willing to see that clearly.” This honest accounting is the necessary prerequisite for making amends and living with integrity. The final, crucial step in this process is to share this inventory with one other trusted human being—a therapist, a sponsor, or a wise friend. Secrecy is the petri dish where shame grows. Speaking our truth out loud to a compassionate witness breaks the toxic power of that secrecy and allows for deep healing and acceptance.

Putting it into Practice: The Courageous Self-Assessment

• Create a Safe Container: Find a quiet space. Begin with Conscious Breathing to ground yourself. Remind yourself that the purpose of this work is healing and freedom.
• Use the Three Lenses of Insight: With a journal, explore your past and present through the lenses of Resentments, Fears, and Harms Caused. Be specific and honest, without justification.
• Share Your Truth: The culmination of this courageous act is to share your findings with one other trusted human being. This act of sharing breaks the toxic power of secrecy and shame.

This Week’s Practice

Choose one past resentment that still has a hold on you. In your journal, write about the situation from the other person’s perspective, with as much compassion as you can muster. Then