Category: Messages

Chapter 5 of Realized Serenity

Excerpt

Breath is life. It is the most vital and immediate process of our existence, yet for most of us, it happens on autopilot. The second point of our practice is to take this unconscious process and make it conscious. Through Intentional Breathing, we learn to harness the most powerful tool we have for influencing our physical, mental, and emotional state.

This practice is based on the understanding that the breath is a bridge to our internal world. It is the link between the body and the mind. A short, shallow, erratic breath accompanies a mind that is anxious and stressed. A long, deep, steady breath creates a mind that is calm and centered. By consciously changing the pattern of our breath, we can directly change the state of our mind.

Working with Your Vital Energy

Ancient wisdom traditions recognized that there is a vital energy that animates all life. While we can’t see it, we experience it as our sense of aliveness, our vitality, our spark. The air we breathe is the most tangible source of this energy. Most of us, through years of stress and poor posture, have developed shallow breathing habits, using only a fraction of our lung capacity. We are literally starving ourselves of this vital energy, leading to fatigue, brain fog, and a depleted nervous system.

Intentional Breathing is the practice of drawing this energy into the body in a more complete and mindful way. The techniques are designed to purify the body’s internal pathways, calm the nervous system, and focus the mind. When you practice, you are not just taking in oxygen; you are consciously managing your own energy, clearing out sluggishness and cultivating a state of calm vitality.

How to Practice Intentional Breathing

Your primary tool is the Foundational Breath Practice in the appendix, which focuses on making the exhale longer than the inhale. This simple shift is a powerful signal to your nervous system to move from a state of “fight-or-flight” to one of “rest-and-digest.” Here are the core principles:

• Breathe from the Diaphragm: Place a hand on your belly. As you inhale, your belly should expand outward. As you exhale, it should gently contract. This is the most efficient way to breathe, ensuring you are using the full capacity of your lungs.
• Focus on the Exhale: The exhale is linked to the relaxation response. By consciously extending your exhalation, you are actively calming your entire system. Let the exhale be a complete letting go.
• Find a Gentle Rhythm: This is not a contest to see how long you can hold your breath. Find a rhythm that feels calming and sustainable. A simple count, such as inhaling for four and exhaling for six or eight, can be very effective.

Make this a regular practice, especially during times of stress. Before a difficult conversation, when you feel anxiety rising, or when you need to clear your mind, take five minutes to practice Intentional Breathing. You will be astonished at how quickly you can shift your inner state by simply changing the way you breathe. It is the most direct and accessible tool you have for realizing serenity in any moment.

This Week’s Practice

Three times a day, set an alarm on your phone. When it goes off, stop what you are doing and take five slow, deep, intentional breaths. Focus on making your exhale slightly longer than your inhale. Notice the immediate shift in your nervous system.

Going Deeper

• In what situations do you notice your breathing becoming shallow or erratic?
• What would it be like to use your breath as an anchor during a difficult conversation or a stressful moment at work?

An Affirmation for the Path

“My breath is my anchor. With each exhale, I release what I don’t need and return to peace.”

Chapter 6 of Realized Serenity

Excerpt

In our hyper-stimulated, always-on world, we have forgotten how to truly relax. We mistake distraction for relaxation. We collapse on the couch with our phones or watch TV, but this doesn’t replenish our energy; it merely diverts our attention while our underlying physical and mental tension remains. The third point of our practice is to relearn the art of Deep Relaxation.

Deep Relaxation is a conscious and systematic process of releasing tension from the body and mind. It is a state that is more restorative than sleep. During sleep, we often continue to process worries and anxieties, and we can wake up still feeling tired. In Deep Relaxation, we remain aware and consciously let go of tension layer by layer, allowing the body and mind to enter a state of profound rest and healing.

Conserving and Replenishing Your Energy

Think of your vital energy as a bank account. Every stressful thought, every muscular contraction, every emotional reaction is a withdrawal. Most of us are living in a state of constant, low-grade energy expenditure, slowly draining our accounts until we feel exhausted and burned out.

Deep Relaxation is the most powerful way to make a deposit into your energy account. By systematically releasing muscular tension, you stop a massive drain on your resources. A tensed muscle is a working muscle, burning energy even when you are not moving. By quieting the waves of thought, you stop the mental drain of worry and planning. This practice conserves vast amounts of energy and allows your body’s natural healing mechanisms to function at their peak. Regular practice builds a deep well of resilience and vitality.

How to Practice Deep Relaxation

The Body Scan Meditation in the appendix is the primary technique for this point. The process is simple:

• Find a Comfortable Position: Lie down on your back in a quiet space where you will not be disturbed. Close your eyes and give yourself permission to do nothing for the next 10 to 15 minutes.
• Tense and Release (Optional but helpful): To begin, you can systematically tense and then release different muscle groups. For example, tense your feet and legs, hold for a few seconds, and then completely let go. This helps you feel the difference between tension and relaxation more acutely.
• Scan Your Awareness Through the Body: Begin at your toes. Bring your full, gentle attention to them, and with your exhale, invite them to soften and release. Slowly, move your awareness up through your body—feet, ankles, legs, hips, abdomen, chest, arms, hands, shoulders, neck, and face. You are not trying to force relaxation; you are simply bringing your awareness and gently inviting each part to let go.
• Rest in Stillness: After you have scanned the entire body, simply rest in the feeling of wholeness and peace. Observe the quiet rhythm of your breath.

This is more than just a relaxation technique; it is a profound act of self-care and a training in the art of surrender. It teaches you to let go of control and trust that you are supported. A few minutes of Deep Relaxation can be more effective than an hour of restless sleep. It is the ultimate tool for recharging your body, calming your mind, and restoring your spirit.

This Week’s Practice

Before you go to sleep each night, lie on your back and do a quick, three-minute body scan. Start at your toes and move up to your head, consciously inviting each part of your body to soften and release the tensions of the day.

Going Deeper

• What activities in your life do you mistake for relaxation, but actually leave you feeling drained?
• What would it feel like to schedule just 10 minutes of true, conscious relaxation into your day, with no screens or distractions?

An Affirmation for the Path

“I give myself permission to rest deeply. It is safe for me to let go.”

Chapter 7 of Realized Serenity

Excerpt

What we eat becomes us. The food we consume is the raw material used to build every cell in our body, and it has a direct and powerful impact on the clarity and stability of our mind. The fourth point of our practice is to choose Nourishing Foods, not as a restrictive diet, but as a conscious and intuitive way of eating that supports a serene life.

The philosophy is simple: the quality of our food influences the quality of our consciousness. Some foods leave us feeling heavy, sluggish, and foggy-minded. Others leave us feeling light, clear, and energized. The goal of this practice is to cultivate a deep, honest awareness of how different foods affect you personally, and to consistently choose those that promote a state of calm and clarity.

The Energetic Quality of Food

Imagine all foods exist on a spectrum of energetic quality.

On one end are foods that are calming and clarifying. These are typically fresh, whole, and natural. Think of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, nuts, and seeds. They are easily digestible and provide a steady stream of energy, leaving the mind clear and the body feeling light. These are the foods that form the foundation of a nourishing lifestyle.

On the other end are foods that are agitating or heavy. Agitating foods might include highly processed items, excessive caffeine, or refined sugar, which can create spikes and crashes in energy and leave the mind feeling restless and scattered. Heavy foods might include overly rich, fried, or processed meals that require a huge amount of energy to digest, leaving you feeling lethargic and dull.

The goal is not to create a rigid list of “good” and “bad” foods, but to begin noticing these qualities for yourself. The practice is one of mindful self-inquiry, not dogmatic restriction.

How to Practice Eating Nourishing Foods

This is a practice of awareness, not willpower.

• Eat with Presence: Before you eat, take a moment to breathe and feel gratitude for your food. As you eat, pay attention to the tastes, textures, and smells. Slowing down improves digestion and increases your satisfaction.
• The Post-Meal Check-In: This is the most important part of the practice. About an hour after you eat, pause and notice how you feel. Do you feel energized and clear? Or do you feel tired, bloated, or foggy? This is your body giving you direct feedback.
• Crowd Out, Don’t Cut Out: Instead of focusing on what to eliminate, focus on what to add. Make a small commitment to add one more serving of fresh vegetables to your day, or to swap one processed snack for a piece of fruit. As you add more nourishing foods, your desire for less nourishing ones will often naturally decrease.
• Listen to Your Body’s Wisdom: Your body has an innate intelligence. This practice is about quieting the noise of cravings and external rules so you can hear that wisdom more clearly. It is a compassionate and sustainable approach to eating that honors your unique needs.

By choosing foods that nourish your body and calm your mind, you are making a powerful statement of self-respect. You are creating the biological foundation upon which all your other spiritual practices can flourish.

This Week’s Practice

For one meal each day this week, practice the “Post-Meal Check-In.” About an hour after you finish eating, pause and write down three words in a journal that describe how your body and mind feel. Notice any patterns that emerge by the end of the week.

Going Deeper

• What is the connection for you between certain foods and your emotional state?
• How would your relationship with food change if your primary goal was mental clarity and serenity, rather than weight or appearance?

An Affirmation for the Path

“I choose foods that nourish my body and bring peace to my mind. I listen to my body’s wisdom.”

Chapter 8 of Realized Serenity

Excerpt

With the body cared for, we can now turn our full attention to the mind. The fifth and final point of our foundational practice is a two-part approach to mastering our inner world: Positive Focus, the art of consciously directing our thoughts, and Meditation, the practice of transcending thought altogether.

The mind is like a garden. If left untended, it will be overrun by the weeds of worry, fear, and negativity. The practice of Positive Focus is the act of consciously tending this garden—of pulling the weeds and planting the seeds of thoughts that lead to peace, strength, and joy.

Part A: The Practice of Positive Focus

A core principle of mental mastery is that you cannot fight a negative thought directly. Trying to suppress a worry only gives it more energy. The key is to withdraw your attention from the destructive thought and place it on its healing opposite. This is not denial; it is a conscious and deliberate act of mental cultivation.

Your mind is a creature of habit. If you have spent years practicing worry, you have built a strong mental muscle for it. Positive Focus is the work of building a new muscle. Every time you catch a fear-based thought and intentionally replace it with a thought of trust, you are performing one repetition. Over time, your default mental state begins to shift from anxiety to peace.

How to Practice Positive Focus:

• Observe Your Thoughts: You cannot change what you are not aware of. The first step is to become a neutral observer of your mind. Notice the stories, the judgments, the worries, without getting caught up in them.
• Question the Negative: When a stressful thought arises, ask yourself with gentle curiosity: “Is this thought actually true? Is it helpful?” Often, simply shining the light of awareness on a thought reveals its flimsy nature.
• Choose the Opposite: Once you’ve identified an unhelpful thought, consciously choose its opposite. If the thought is “I’ll never be able to handle this,” the opposite might be “I can handle this moment, and I have the strength to face what comes.” Repeat this new thought with conviction.

Part B: The Practice of Meditation

While Positive Focus works at the level of thought, Meditation takes us deeper. If Positive Focus is tending the garden, Meditation is discovering the silent, fertile ground from which the entire garden grows.

The purpose of meditation is to quiet the constant chatter of the mind. We live with a near-constant internal monologue that analyzes the past and worries about the future. This mental noise is the source of most of our stress. Meditation is the practice of systematically giving the mind a single point of focus, which allows the endless stream of thoughts to slow down and, for brief moments, cease altogether.

In the silence between our thoughts, we experience a profound peace. We connect with a deeper part of ourselves—a place of pure awareness that is untouched by the drama of our daily lives. This is our true nature. Meditation is not about becoming someone new; it is about remembering who we already are beneath all the noise.

How to Practice Meditation:

• Find a Comfortable Seat: Sit in a position where your spine can be upright but not stiff. This allows energy to flow freely.
• Choose an Anchor: Give your “monkey mind” a single point of focus. The sensation of your breath is a perfect anchor because it is always with you in the present moment.
• Gently Return: Your mind will wander. This is not a failure; it is the nature of the mind. The practice of meditation is the gentle, compassionate, and repeated act of noticing that your mind has wandered and guiding it back to your anchor.

These two practices—Positive Focus and Meditation—are the capstone of our foundation. They give us the tools to not only manage our mental state but to access the deep well of peace that lies within.

This Week’s Practice

Commit to a five-minute meditation practice each morning. Don’t worry about doing it “perfectly.” Your only job is to sit and gently return your attention to your breath each time you notice your mind has wandered.

Going Deeper

• What is one recurring negative thought or worry that you can practice “choosing the opposite” with this week?
• What is the quality of your “gentle return” in meditation? Is it patient and kind, or frustrated and judgmental?

An Affirmation for the Path

“I am the calm and compassionate gardener of my own mind. I choose thoughts that lead to peace.”

The Foundation of Our Lives: Habits and Systems

The majority of what we do each day is not a result of conscious decision-making, but rather a reflection of our established habits. These habits, whether positive or negative, form the systems that govern our lives and ultimately determine our results. While we may set ambitious goals, we often fall short because we fail to develop the consistent, daily systems needed to achieve them. This is why a person can have the goal of being healthy, yet their habits of a poor diet and lack of exercise lead to an unhealthy lifestyle. It’s not the goal that’s the problem; it’s the absence of an effective system. The real power of change lies not in aiming for a specific outcome, but in building the right habits that will inevitably lead to that outcome.

A perfect example of this is the story of Daniel. His remarkable success and exceptional character were not the result of a single heroic act, but of a consistent, lifelong habit. His enemies, unable to find fault in his public conduct, recognized that his strength came from his devotion to God. This devotion was a deeply ingrained habit—praying three times a day, every day. This one “keystone habit” served as the anchor for his entire life, influencing all his other decisions and behaviors. It was this faithful routine that gave him the strength to stand firm when faced with the threat of the lion’s den. Daniel’s life teaches us that a small act of obedience, performed consistently over time, can have a profound and lasting impact.

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How to Build a Better You

Building a new habit requires a clear strategy. The key is to make the new behavior as easy and obvious as possible. By reducing the friction to perform the desired action, you increase the likelihood that you’ll stick with it. Instead of relying on motivation or willpower, you can design your environment to support your goals. For instance, if you want to eat healthier, place a bowl of fruit on your counter where you can see it and grab it easily. The goal is to create a cue that triggers the desired action automatically, without needing to think about it.

This process can be structured using a simple formula: “I will [new habit] after I [current habit].” This links your desired new behavior to an existing routine, making it easier to remember and implement. For example, “I will read one page of a book after I brush my teeth” or “I will do five push-ups after I make my morning coffee.” By starting small, you build momentum and a sense of accomplishment. This small success reinforces a new identity—the person who does the things you want to do.

This brings us to the most crucial element of habit formation: identity. Our habits are a reflection of who we believe we are. An unhealthy identity creates unwise habits, and those habits, in turn, reinforce the unhealthy identity in a vicious cycle. The solution is to focus on who you want to become, not just what you want to achieve. Do you want to be a patient parent? A financially responsible person? A disciplined child of God? When you define your desired identity, your actions begin to align with that person. Instead of saying, “I’m trying to quit smoking,” you can say, “I am a non-smoker.” This simple shift changes the narrative from one of struggle to one of conviction.

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The Long Game: Consistency and Tipping Points

Change rarely happens overnight. Our lives are the sum total of all the small decisions we make along the way. While a single good or bad decision may seem insignificant, their cumulative effect over time is massive. Small, consistent actions are like adding drops of water to a pot on the stove. You may not see a change at first, but the temperature is steadily rising. At a certain point, a “tipping point” is reached, and the water begins to boil. At that moment, the results become undeniable, and people may call you an “overnight success.” They don’t see the years of private sacrifice, the early mornings, the difficult conversations, or the moments of self-doubt. They only see the harvest.

The key is to not grow weary in doing good. Your small acts of faithfulness are not wasted; they are being stored up. As a Christian, your ultimate goal should be to become more like Christ. This isn’t a goal to be achieved in the future; it’s a daily act of obedience. Success is found not in some distant result, but in being faithful to God in the small things today. When you find joy in simply doing what He has called you to do, you are already successful. By focusing on becoming a better version of yourself, one small habit at a time, you build a life that honors God and reflects His character.

The Deceptive Lure of Self

We live in a culture that champions the self. From the moment we wake up, we’re told to prioritize our needs, honor our feelings, and pursue our own happiness above all else. The message is pervasive: you deserve “me time,” your needs come first, and you should cut anyone out of your life who doesn’t add value to it. This “self-first” philosophy is so deeply ingrained that it feels natural and true. After all, isn’t it true that we look at ourselves first in every group photo? Don’t we instinctively determine the quality of that photo based on how we look? Putting ourselves first is one of the most natural human instincts.

Yet, this natural instinct is constantly at odds with a higher calling. While society urges us to prioritize ourselves, many spiritual traditions and teachings propose a radical alternative. They suggest that our lives should be defined not by what we get, but by what we give; not by what we accomplish, but by how we love. The “self-first” mindset, while comforting and familiar, is a dangerous deception. It is “almost true” in its appeal, but ultimately, it’s a lie that leads to a life of isolation, anxiety, and a profound lack of fulfillment.

The Paradox of Self-Obsession

It’s a modern paradox: we are a generation obsessed with self-care, self-love, and personal fulfillment, yet we are more anxious, stressed, and depressed than ever before. If putting ourselves first is the key to happiness, why are we so miserable?

The answer is both simple and confronting: perhaps our problem isn’t that we don’t love ourselves enough, but that we love ourselves too much.

The “self-centered” view of life, and even of faith, suggests that a divine being exists to serve our needs. We believe we love this higher power, but in reality, we often love what we can get from it. When things don’t go our way, when a prayer isn’t answered in the way we want, our faith is shaken because we’ve built it on a foundation of self-interest rather than a genuine, selfless relationship.

A core principle found in timeless spiritual wisdom is the call to love God and to love others. The teachings of Jesus make this clear. When asked about the greatest command, he didn’t say, “Love yourself.” He said to love God with all your heart, soul, and mind, and to “love your neighbor as yourself.” The crucial distinction here is that Jesus did not command us to love ourselves because he assumed we already do. He recognized that self-love is an innate human drive. We don’t need a command to put ourselves first; it’s what we do naturally. The challenge, then, is not to learn to love ourselves, but to redirect that powerful, innate love outward, toward God and others.

The Call to Self-Denial

In a culture that tells us to “pamper yourself” and “put yourself first,” the teachings of self-denial are particularly jarring. Jesus’ words to his disciples were shocking even in their own time. When he said, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me,” his followers understood exactly what he meant.

In the Roman-occupied world, taking up one’s cross was a public act of humiliation and execution. It meant dying to oneself completely. It was a clear and brutal metaphor. Jesus was not suggesting a small sacrifice; he was calling for a total surrender of the self. This call to deny ourselves is the ultimate antidote to the self-obsessed culture we live in. It is a radical departure from the idea that our lives are all about our own wants, desires, and dreams.

The path to a fulfilled life is not found in prioritizing our own schedule, guarding our “me time,” or cutting people out who don’t add value. In fact, some of the most profound moments in life and faith are interruptions to our well-laid plans. It is in slowing down, being present with others, and allowing our schedules to be disrupted that we find the deepest purpose and love. The most important thing we do is not what we accomplish, but how we love.

This is not a call to ignore our needs. It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take a nap or enjoy a sweet treat. But it does challenge the motive behind our actions. If the sole purpose of self-care is for ourselves, it remains a selfish act. But if the purpose of self-care is to be healthy—mentally, emotionally, and spiritually—so that we can better love God and serve others, then it is a selfless act.

The Unshakeable Reality of Grace

The “self-first” mentality often leads to a “self-centered” version of spirituality, where we pick and choose what we believe based on what’s comfortable. This is a faith of convenience that seeks to add a higher power to our lives without subtracting our own selfish nature. But a true, authentic faith is one of total surrender. It is a daily decision to die to our selfish desires and offer our lives as a “living sacrifice.”

This is not a journey to be embarked upon through willpower alone. Our own self-love is a powerful force that we cannot defeat on our own. It is an internal battle that requires a supernatural intervention. This is why our faith is rooted in grace. We are not saved by our works or by our ability to be good. We are saved by the perfect work of a higher power who, in an act of ultimate self-denial, gave everything for us.

In view of that ultimate love and mercy, we are called to give our lives in return. It’s a profound exchange: a life of self-obsession for a life of purpose. It’s not about being perfect, but about being willing to deny ourselves and follow a higher path. This is a daily choice to surrender our own desires and live for a greater glory. It is a choice to step away from the lie of self-centeredness and into the truth that sets us free. This is a journey of true transformation, where we are made new from the inside out.

A Reflection on Love

The qualities of true love stand in stark contrast to the traits of a self-obsessed life. Love is patient and kind. It is not boastful or proud. It is not self-seeking or easily angered. These qualities are impossible to cultivate when we are consumed with our own needs and desires. Love cannot flourish in a self-centered environment.

So, the question for reflection is this: In what area of your life are you loving yourself more than you are loving God and loving others? And what is the next step you need to

I love this time of the year. I love it because people are open to the work of God, that people are looking at how they can improve their lives, how they can make changes. And so today, we’re starting a new message series that I cannot describe how much passion I have for this subject. I cannot adequately tell you what I believe is possible if you will hear God’s Word and apply it over the next few weeks. I literally believe that this can redirect the trajectory of so many lives in a direction that would be not only God-honoring but would really help make our lives different. We’re gonna talk about habits.

What I wanna do is I’ve read or listened to dozens of books on habits over the years. I wanna just expose you to great resources. There are three books in particular that I wanna highlight: Compound Effect by Hardy, this is the book that I had all of my children read, It’s an incredible book. Then The Power of Habit by Duhigg, in my opinion, is probably the classic all-time book on habits. It’s hard to get any better than that book. And James Clear came along and wrote a new book this year that released, and it’s so strong that I invited him to be on my Leadership Podcast to interview him about it. These three books have really influenced me more than any others. If at anywhere you hear something and say, that sounds like something from one of these books, I wanna tell you, it’s probably something from one of these books because they’ve really influenced me in a way that’s been significant, and I wanna give credit to those authors today.

I will say this, this is a completely original thought, and I’ve said this for years and years. Why do habits matter? Because successful people do consistently what other people do occasionally.

Successful people in any area of success, if someone is spiritually thriving and they’re close to God, they’re consistently living the disciplines that help them grow close to God. If you’ve got someone that’s financially successful, they’re free, they’re consistently doing things that other people only will occasionally or maybe even never, ever do. Relationally, physically, it’s all about small things leading in a direction of big things over time.

If you look at, let’s say, who was successful in Scripture. I don’t think anybody would argue that Jesus was an incredibly successful pleasing God. I think they would say Paul was incredibly successful pleasing God. If you look at their lives, one thing I can tell you is that Jesus never, ever, ever said, but I just can’t find the time to pray. I’m so busy, and these disciples, they’re wearing me out. Peter just gets all up on my nerves. I wish I had more time to spend with God, but I just don’t have the time to spend with God. Jesus never, ever said that. What you’ll see is a consistent habit of breaking away from the crowds to have intimate fellowship with God. The Apostle Paul did not make excuses. There’s a verse in Scripture that said he had the habit, everybody say habit, he had the habit…

Habit.

…of going to the Temple to actually share his faith with those who were not in the family of God. Habits matter, successful people do consistently what other people do occasionally. I like what Sean Covey said, he said, “Our habits will make or break us. We become what we repeatedly do.”

You’ll probably acknowledge that this is a good time of the year to talk about habits because this is the time of year that people create New Year’s resolutions. I love that, I celebrate it, I applaud it. That’s the good news that people wanna change. The bad news is that according to studies, 92% of your New Year’s resolutions will be gone by Valentine’s Day. That’s bad news. You know it from last year, you had the goal, the resolution, and for most people in most cases, it doesn’t last, and you end up feeling like the Apostle Paul in his writings in Romans 7, when he said this, I don’t really understand myself, for I want to stop eating junk food, I wanna stop procrastinating, I wanna stop overspending at Target, whatever it is, I wanna do what is right, he says, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. I wanna do what’s right, he says, but I can’t. I wanna do what’s good, but I don’t. I don’t wanna do that which is wrong, but I do it anyway.

And then he does what so many of us do, he connects his failure to his identity, and he says, oh, what a miserable person I am. What a failure. I’m not disciplined, I’m not becoming more like Christ. What a miserable person. Then he asked the question, and we see him shift in his thinking. He says, who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? And he looks to the source, the only one who can truly change him, and he says, thank God, the answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord, who can change us, who can deliver us, who can set us free.

Christ is our source, Christ is our strength. Christ is our healing, Christ is our hope, Christ is the one who makes all things new. It doesn’t matter who were, where you were, what you did, where you’ve been. With Christ, he takes all things and makes them new. If anyone is in Christ, he is a new person. The old is gone, and the new has come. My prayer is that you will not only experience all the life available to you in Christ, but you would live out the disciplines that lead to a God-honoring, God-pleasing, successful life, because successful people do consistently what other people do occasionally.

Why is it that so many of us, we genuinely have good intentions. We want to lose the weight, we want to get on the, we wanna do whatever, but we fail again and again and again. I wanna show you three reasons why we don’t succeed when we have such good intentions.

1. We focus on the what but we don’t understand the how.

We focus on the action that we want to perform, the thing that we want to accomplish, but we don’t understand how to get there. Think about it. Almost everybody that you know has for the most part similar goals. If we surveyed 100 of you and said, what’s really important to you in life, most of you would say things that generally fall into the same categories. Most of you would say something about you want to be healthy in some form, you want to be healthy. I don’t know anybody who’s saying, my goal this year is to have dangerously high cholesterol. Right, nobody’s gonna do that.

All right, when it comes to finances, most people say, you know, I wanna be free, I wanna be out of debt, I wanna be able to be generous. I don’t know anybody who’s saying I want to double the debt that I’m in and get it at really high interest rates. Maybe 19 or 20% would be fantastic. Nobody does that. Relationships, we all want good relationships. Spiritually, if you’re a disciple of Jesus, you wanna be close to God. You want to make a difference in this world. You want your life to matter.

Most of us, we have very similar goals or hopes, but the results are dramatically different. Some are really achieving what they want in one area, and others are falling way, way short. In fact, I like what James Clear says in his book Atomic Habits. He says that winners and losers generally have the same goals. He says that successful people and unsuccessful people have the same goals. Think about it, at the beginning of any season in sports, what does the coach say to the team? The coach has the same goal, we want to win the championship. I don’t know any coaches that say, this year, we’re shootin’ for fifth place, it’s gonna be amazing. Nobody’s doin’ that, right? When somebody gets married, what do people want? We want love, we want a blessed life, we want to be happy. Nobody’s saying our goal is to make it five years, maybe seven, and then divorce is in the cards. Nobody does that. We all want something similar, but we end up with every different results, why?

He teaches this idea, and I love it, that goals don’t determine success, but systems determine success. Goals don’t get us alone to the end desire, but the systems in our life determine success. And in fact, to directly quote his book, he says, you don’t rise to the level of your goals, you fall to the level of your systems. You fall to the level of your systems.

You may say, that doesn’t sound really spiritual at all. When I read the Bible through the lens of that thought, I see examples all over the place of people successful because of Godly systems or unsuccessful because of the lack of systems. When I look at Daniel, he’s a fantastic guy. If I want to model after the life of someone who stood out and had great faith, I wanna live like Daniel. Why was Daniel successful, why was it, amongst a bunch of other young men, did he stand out to all the leaders as Godly, gifted, talented, and different? Why is it that when thrown into a den full of lions because of his obedience to God, he was able to stand strong, trusting God, and come out alive on the other side? It’s because he had the systems in place that led to a life of faith and faithfulness. What was his system? For years and years and years, Daniel had pre-decided that three times a day, every day, he stops to spend time with God. Three times a day.

If you wanna grow in your faith, and if you want to be more faithful, you will not rise to the level of your goals, you will fall to the level of your systems. If you have in place systems that build your faith, strengthen your knowledge and intimacy with God, then you will more likely become the person that you want to become. Here’s the mistake that we tend to make. We tend to think, I wanna change the results. I wanna, whatever it is. I wanna lose 20 pounds by Easter. I want to be more organized. I wanna finally pay off that one credit card that’s been with me so long, it’s like a pet, it’s been driving me crazy, whatever it is. The problem is this. We need to change the systems that create those results. If we will fix what we do, how we live, the habits in our life, the outcomes will fix themselves. Is anybody interested in this? If you’re interested, say I’m interested.

Yes! I’m interested.

I’m gonna tell you a lot more about this, but I’m not gonna tell you about it today. In the weeks to come, I promise you, we’re gonna get very practical building spiritual principles into how to create these systems that will lead to the desired outcomes. That’s just to kinda tease you to get you warmed up.

2. We don’t see progress fast enough.

You know this, you’ve been in some area of your life where you’re gonna walk on the treadmill three days that week, and then you get on the scale, and you gained two pounds. This doesn’t work, right? You read your YouVersion Bible plan for four days straight, and then you’re driving to church, and you yell at your kids all the way there. Say, I told you, this thing doesn’t work at all. Whatever it is, you stop drinking coffee to save money, and you go a whole month, and you save $100, and now, you don’t owe $35,500 on your college loan. You owe ’em $35,400! And you’re sayin’, I can’t even make a dent in this. You’ll see results fast enough, and because of that, we tend to make a mistake, and the mistake is this, that we wrongly conclude that small good decisions don’t matter that much.

That’s right.

We wrongly conclude, this small, God-honoring habit, this small, faithful decision, this small, good and positive action doesn’t make that big of a difference at all. Then take the flip side, the not-so-good things. What do you do? You go and you play video games for three hours straight, and your wife’s not happy, but she doesn’t leave you. You skip church for a weekend, and your whole world doesn’t fall apart, nothing tragic happens to you spiritually. You eat a third of a box of chocolates, and nothing changes, and so then, you also wrongly conclude that the small, bad decisions don’t impact your life that much.

The small, good decisions don’t really move the needle, the small, bad decisions don’t matter that much, and you miss the truth of what is impacting your life in massive ways. And that is our life is the sum total of all the decisions that we make. Who you are today is a result of every single small decision that you’ve made along the way. They all matter, and they all add up over time.

That’s right.

What happens, you rarely wreck your life and end up in a really bad place all at once. What tends to happen? You make a small decision. A little compromise here, cut the corner there. Fudge a little bit here, lie a little bit there. Bend the rules a little bit here, if you take a step over the line here, and then, one day, you wake up and go, how the heck did I screw up my life so much? You didn’t do it all at one time. How’d you do it? One little bad decision followed by the other.

Then, you take someone who in some area of their life, they’re crushing it. They’re blowing it out. They’re living the end result of what you want. And you look at that and think, well, well, how’d they get there? They didn’t get there all at once. Again, it was one small decision at a time. It was a moment of self-sacrifice. It was a small discipline, done again and done again, and nobody else knows about the time you spent in prayer and the time that you fasted and the time that you sought after God and the time that you had a difficult conversation, and the early mornings and the late nights, and the grind and the faithfulness, and all the perseverance that it took for you to get to a certain point. They don’t see that, they don’t understand it, but you realize it was one small, faithful decision after another over a period of years that led you to the place that everybody else wants to be.

That’s good, Pastor.

Your good decisions are not wasted. They’re being stored up. You may not see it. It’s a little bit like, I eat, essentially, is this true, the same thing every day, like, the same thing over and over and over again, and it impacts my body. For breakfast, I eat oatmeal with 12 blueberries. On a crazy day, I’ll up it to 14. One time, I did 15, it was out of control, okay? And what I do is I heat the water up, and I’ll put room temperature water in the pan, I’ll put the fire on. And the water is just room temperature. You don’t see anything happening, but the fire is changing the temperature in the water. It might be now 78 degrees, then 104, then 139, then 187, then 201. At some point, the heat is being stored up. You may not see it from the outside, but at 211 degrees, what do you have? You’ve got really hot water, 211 degrees. Then at 212 degrees, you hit the tipping point. It’s not just really hot water, it’s boiling water.

Here’s what will happen. You add a God-honoring discipline, and another one, and another one. You’re generally faithful. Sometimes you mess up, but you’re generally faithful. You may not see any results for a period of time, but the temperature is rising. Your faith is being stored up, and at some point, I promise, there’s a tipping point, and it becomes obvious. You’re now in shape, you’re now out of debt, your marriage is now better, you’re now making a difference, whatever it is. And people will look on, and they’re gonna call you an overnight success. They have no idea all the private sacrifices, all the faithfulness, all the consistency, overcoming your own self-doubt, failing and starting again, praying and seeking God, enduring the criticism. They have no idea, I’ve said this for years, it’s the things that no one sees that bring results everyone wants. It’s what’s invisible, people don’t see it. But you know it, one small decision at a time.

I like the way the Apostle Paul said it to the believers in Galatia, he said this in Galatians 6:9. He said, let us not become weary in doing good. Let’s not become weary in honoring God. Let’s not become weary in doing the right things. Let’s not become weary in living by a budget. Let’s not become weary in counting calories. Let’s not become weary in getting up 30 minutes earlier to seek God. Let’s not become weary in going to the gym. Let’s not become weary in fasting before our God. Let’s not become weary in doing the right thing, honoring our marriage even when we’re not getting the respect that, for at the proper time, you may not see it for a while, but it’s bein’ stored up. For at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

3. Our distorted identity sabotages our success.

What does our enemy do? Our enemy tries to connect our failures to identity. You failed so you are a failure. You did bad, therefore you are bad. That’s what happened to the Apostle Paul as he was recognize, I try to do what’s right, and I don’t do what’s right. Oh, what a miserable person I am.

When you look at some of the most effective people in God’s Word, you see people who battled with identity issues. In the Old Testament, somewhere along the way, Moses didn’t live up to his own expectations. And so when God called him, he said, I’m not a good public speaker, I’m not a good leader, he identified some failure with who he was, and that sabotaged his potential. The same is true with Gideon. Gideon was nervous. You think I’m not nervous? Yeah, we all get nervous. But he took that failure, that shortcoming, identified with it, he said, I’m the weakest and I’m the least in my community. The Apostle Paul even did that. He said, I’m unqualified, I’m not good enough, I’m not educated enough, I’m the least and I feel incredibly unworthy.

And this is how it might play out in your life. Well, this is just the way I am. I mean, we’ve always known, I just kinda have an addictive personality, and so, well, I might as well take another drink, right?

[Congregants] Yeah.

I’m not good with money, I’ve never been good with money, so might as well go shopping just to deal with it. I’m not a disciplined person. I’m not an organized person. I’ve never been good in relationships. I just can’t seem to get it done. It’s identity, and here’s what happens. An unhealthy identity creates unwise habits. Then, the unwise habits reinforce the unhealthy identity. It’s a cycle. We don’t see ourselves as Godly, therefore, we don’t live in a way that’s not Godly, therefore, the way we live reinforces the identity that we’re not really living for God, and the cycle becomes very, very negative.

That’s why this year, when we start, we’re gonna do something very, very different. What I’m gonna ask you to do, and I’m gonna ask you to do this in your LifeGroups, and if you’re not yet in a LifeGroup, you may wanna add one small part to your week that could be a total game changer for you spiritually, which is we gather together with other people of God and we sharpen one another spiritually. We do life together, we are people of a broader community, and this is what we do. I’m gonna ask you before you start with, do goals. Here’s what I wanna do. I wanna lose 18 pounds, whatever it is. I wanna encourage you to start with who goals. Not what do you wanna do, but I want you to first start with the identity and ask yourself, who do you want to become?

Who is it that when people describe you, you want them to describe? You might say, I want to be a true man of God. It’s a great who goal. You might say this. I wanna be clean. I wanna be sober. That’s a fantastic who goal. I wanna be a Godly mom. I wanna be a Godly spouse. It’s a great who goal. I wanna be financially free. I know it might take four years, it might take seven years. I wanna be generous along the way, and I wanna be radically and irrationally generous in the years to come. I wanna be a bold witness to the other people in my school. I wanna be a healthy person. I wanna recognize that my body is a gift from God. It’s a Temple, it’s a house for the Holy Spirit of God. I wanna make it healthy. Who do you want to become?

Here’s what happens. Identity shapes actions. Identity shapes actions, identity does. For example, years ago when we officed, our church officed in this little complex where my office looked out over a parking lot. These high school students came up, and about, I don’t know, a bunch of ’em got out of the car, and two guys took their shirts off and they were fighting each other. And I turned into a 10th grade boy. I ran through the office yelling, fight, fight, fight, fight! And Pastor Robert Wall joined me, and two pastors went outside and watched these two guys beatin’ the tar out of each other, and we were cheerin’ them on. 30, 45 seconds, maybe a minute, right, yeah! And then, we looked at each other at the same time, and we remembered who we were. We’re grownups. We’re Christian grownups. We’re Christian grownups who are pastors. We don’t cheer on two testosterone-filled, hairy-legged teenage boys beatin’ the crap out of each other. We break it up, regrettably, because it was a good fight, but we break it up. And so we did. The point is, when you know who you are, you know what to do. Who do you wanna be? Well, you know who you are, then you know what the right thing is to do. The do overflows out of the who. Don’t start with the do, start with the who. Who do you want to be?

Yeah!

When you know who you are, thank you, Mom, for clapping. There’s an example in one of the books that I read, I can’t remember which one, but they said this. Let’s say you’re tryin’ to stop smoking cigarettes. Tryin’ to stop vaping, okay, whatever it is. And someone says to you, do you want a ciggie? If you say no, I’m trying to quit, what you’re doing is you’re identifying as a smoker. I am a smoker trying to quit. If, on the other hand, you say, no, I don’t smoke anymore, your identity is saying, that’s a part of my past, it’s not a part of my present. Identity shapes actions.

You may say, but this is just who I am, I can’t change. Remember God’s Word, Romans 6:6, Verse Six says this. We know that our old, sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We’re no longer slaves to sin. For when we died with Christ, we were set free from the power of sin. Now, you are free from your slavery to sin, and you have become slaves to righteous living. When you know who you are, you’ll know what to do. Who are you in Christ? You are redeemed of the Lord, you are righteous in Christ. You are more than a conquerer, you’re an overcomer. You’re blessed that coming in, and you’re blessed, you can do all things not by your own power, but through Christ who gives you strength. Oh, what a miserable person I am. Who can deliver me from this body of death? Oh, thanks be to God! His son Jesus Christ our Lord can set me free.

Identity shapes actions. When you know who you are, you’ll know what to do. We talked about the negative spiral, let me show you the positive one. Healthy identity, what does it do? It creates positive habits. I fast, I tithe, I pray, I read God’s Word. I eat disciplined, I work out. It creates healthy habits. And positive habits reinforce a healthy identity. I’m a disciplined child of God. I’m a contributor, I’m an ambassador, I’m one who makes a difference in this world. Who do you want to become?

23 years ago, on this weekend, I had, Katie was 19, 20 months old, Mandy was a baby. Amy and I were kids, and we gathered with a few people and started this place. And what’s happened over 23 years is almost impossible for me to get my mind around. I figure I got another 23 good, hard years in me.

Yeah! Woo!

’cause I’m a disciplined child of God.

Yes. Amen.

What do I want people to say about me when I’m in my 70s? Who do I wanna be? I jotted, just on a napkin, a few things down, this is who I wanna be. I’ll just tell you what I wrote down without even thinkin’. I want people to say this about me. He’s a guy who loves Jesus. He’s obsessed with his wife. He’s a great dad, and even a better pops.

Yeah!

And he’s a devoted pastor to the church that he loves. I want people to say, he’s a strong leader who believes in the best in people, and he helps people do more for the glory of God than they can do on their own. I don’t think anybody will say this, but I want them to intuitively feel it. I don’t think they’re gonna say this next statement, but I want them to feel it. He’s a wise steward. And they’re not gonna say it, he’s a wise steward, you’re not gonna say that. But what I want you to feel is this guy takes care of whatever’s trusted to him, his health, his influence, his marriage, his money, his time, and he uses it to glorify God. Then I want you to say something like this. The dude is enjoying the ride. He’s rich in friendships and experiences and generosity, and he’s leavin’ one heck of a legacy. One heck of a legacy. That’s what I want you to say.

That’s good.

When you know who you are, you’ll know what to do. No single action will change your identity, but consistent actions over time start to change how you feel about yourself and change your identity because successful people do consistently what other people do occasionally. Who do you wanna be?

At our church, for years now, our staff and many of you have prayed and asked God to give them a word for the year, one word that kinda represents what we’re praying God would do in our lives. Some people, their word is discipline, sacrifice, faithfulness, joy, rest, whatever it is. Amy’s word for several years has been give. Give. So my word is earn. You gotta fund that girl, right, so. This year, this year, I asked Amy, what’s her word, you ready for this? This is a true story, 100% true, this is Amy. Her word is Jesus. Well, you win. Jesus, whatever my word is sucks. It’s, like, all downhill from there, what do you do there? So you know what my word is? Amy. ‘Cause Jesus is already taken. So if she’s tryin’ to be like Him, I might try to be like her. And I laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed at this, you can’t have Jesus as a word. It’s not fair. What’s it next year, Holy Spirit? And then it dawned on me. That’s exactly who I wanna be.

Yes. That’s good.

It’s who I wanna be. I wanna be like Christ. Because if I’m like Him, I’m full of love, full of grace, full of truth. I reflect the love of God in this world. I wanna be like Jesus. Conform me to His image. And if you’re becoming more like Christ, you know who you are, then you know what to do.

That’s right.

Because truly God-honoring people do consistently what other people do occasionally.

That’s right. That’s good.

So Father, help us to be like Jesus. Do a work in us, God. Stir up your church, God, to have great goals. Not just for the things in this world but to be who you call us to be. All of our churches, as you’re reflecting in prayer today, those of you who would say, I will seek God and listen to Him on who He wants me to become. I’m gonna start with the who. If you’re willing to do that, I know it’s a real ask, this isn’t something like you just do in three minutes. Might take you five, might take you 10. Might take you longer. I wanna seek God for who he wants me to be. Would you lift up your hands? I’m gonna ask you to do that as a church today. All of our churches, Father, I pray that you would just breathe life into this. Doesn’t have to be formal, but years from now, this is really who I want others to know that I am, this is what we stand for. And then, God, in the weeks to come, we thank you that the do is gonna overflow out of the who. More than anything else, more than being a good leader, good dad, good husband, good mom, more than anything else, God, help us to be like your Son, Jesus.

As you keep prayin’ today in all of our different churches, some of you, you might be spiritually frustrated, could manifest itself in any different way. Maybe you kinda have spiritual thoughts but you never are really consistent. Maybe you believe in God but you never can seem to get it quite right for Him. Maybe you’re not even like a God person at all but there’s something that’s drawing you to Him right now. And you don’t know where you really stand with God. Amy’s word is Jesus, and what I want you to think about is Jesus, who is Jesus? He is the son of God, He is God in the flesh. His name is above every single name. One day, every knee is gonna bow to that name, every tongue is gonna confess his Lordship. If you look at your life as you enter into a New Year, and you recognize you’re living for anything else, you’re shootin’ way too low. You’re shootin’ way too low.

God loves you so much that he sent Jesus to show you His love. Jesus loved the unrighteous, Jesus loved the sinners, Jesus loved those who never, ever got it right, Jesus became sin for us as the perfect sacrifice on the Cross. God raised Him from the dead so that anyone who calls on His name would be completely forgiven. Maybe there’s something in your past, that weight of your sin follows you, the shame, the guilt. Anyone who’s in Christ, their sins are forgiven, they’re made completely new. What I hope you can understand is that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. In all of our churches, there are those of you you recognize. He’s not first in your life, today, make Him first, make Him Lord. All of our churches, those who say, I need His forgiveness, I need His grace, when you call on His name, He hears your prayer, He makes you new. That’s the very reason that you’re here today and you can sense it, I need His forgiveness, I turn from my sin, I turn toward Jesus. I give my life to Him. That’s your prayer. Would you lift your hands high right now, all over the place and say, yes, I surrender to Him, right back over there…

Woo!

…praise God for you, and over here, as well. Both of you, right up here, thank you, back over here, two hands up…

Woo!

…right over here, praise God for you, over here, my goodness gracious. Right back over here, yes, sir, God sees you. Right here, all of you together, my goodness, what’s gonna happen right here together. Church Online, you click right below me. I hope somebody here will just go ahead and worship God for a moment. Tell him thank you, tell him thank you. Let’s take a moment and just join those around you in prayer. Everybody pray aloud, pray Heavenly Father…

This is the core premise of intuitive writing, a practice that is less about creating a polished masterpiece and more about embarking on a journey of profound self-discovery. It is a powerful tool for anyone seeking to process emotions, enhance self-awareness, and connect with the deep well of wisdom that resides within.

What is Intuitive Writing?

At its heart, intuitive writing is the act of tapping into your inner wisdom through a “stream of consciousness” approach. It’s a creative process that relies on instinct and feeling, consciously moving beyond the constraints of formal rules, logical analysis, or rigid structures. The primary instruction is simple but radical: keep the pen moving.

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While the practice feels liberatingly simple, it is grounded in robust psychological research. The work of Dr. James Pennebaker in the 1980s pioneered the field of “expressive writing,” demonstrating a powerful link between writing about emotional experiences and improved physical and mental health. His studies showed that the act of translating fragmented, chaotic emotions into a coherent narrative helps the brain organize and integrate difficult memories. This process literally “takes the edge off” traumatic events, reducing stress, anxiety, and their physiological impacts.

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Your Invitation to the Workshop

Do you feel a pull to understand yourself on a deeper level? Are you seeking a tool to navigate life’s challenges with greater clarity and resilience? Do you want to quiet your inner critic and connect with a more authentic and empowered voice?

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