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  • The Empowering Principle of Courage

    The Empowering Principle of Courage

    Chapter 17 of Realized Serenity
    The Empowering Principle of Courage

    The Empowering Principle of Courage

    After we have admitted the truth of our situation, opened ourselves to hope, and begun to practice surrender, the path requires a fourth principle: Courage. The journey inward is not for the faint of heart. Courage, in this context, is not the absence of fear; it is the willingness to act in spite of it. It is the quality that allows us to turn and face the aspects of ourselves and our lives that we have spent years avoiding. Its most crucial application on this path is in undertaking a courageous and honest self-assessment. This is the daunting but essential task of looking honestly at our past actions, our limiting habits, and the deep-seated patterns that have caused suffering for ourselves and others.

    A Story of Courage

    For years, Maria blamed her unhappiness on her difficult marriage. Her husband was the problem; she was the victim. It was a painful but comfortable story. The principle of Courage asked her to look at her own part. With a trusted therapist, she began to explore her patterns of passive aggression, her fear of confrontation, and her unspoken expectations. It was excruciating work. She had to face parts of herself she had long denied. But on the other side of that fear, she found a new sense of empowerment. By taking responsibility for her part, she was no longer a helpless victim. She had the power to change, regardless of what her husband did.

    The Antidote to Avoidance

    Courage is the direct antidote to the deeply ingrained habit of avoidance. As human beings, we are wired to avoid pain. We avoid difficult conversations, we avoid looking at our finances, and most of all, we avoid looking clearly at our own character flaws and shortcomings. Avoidance provides a fleeting moment of relief, but it is a prison that keeps us small and stuck. Every time we choose to avoid a necessary truth, we reinforce the belief that we are not strong enough to handle it.

    The practice of courage systematically dismantles this prison. It is a declaration that we are willing to experience temporary discomfort for the sake of long-term freedom and growth. Maria’s story illustrates this perfectly. The story that her husband was the sole source of her problems was a form of avoidance. It protected her from the pain of looking at her own contributions to the dynamic. But this protection came at the cost of her own power. By mustering the courage to look at her own patterns, she stepped out of the victim role and into the role of a conscious creator of her own life. Courage, therefore, is the key that unlocks the door to personal responsibility and true empowerment.

    The Courageous Self-Assessment: Turning the Light Inward

    The centerpiece of this principle is a formal, structured self-assessment. This is not a casual reflection; it is a deep and honest inventory of our inner world. The purpose is not to dredge up the past in order to wallow in it, but to see it clearly so that we can be free from it. When we don’t understand the unconscious patterns that drive us, we are doomed to repeat them. This inventory is the act of making the unconscious conscious. It requires immense courage because it asks us to look at the very things our ego has worked so hard to keep hidden.

    This process is best done with a journal, in a safe and quiet space where we can be completely honest with ourselves. We approach this work not with the intention of judging ourselves, but with the intention of healing. We become compassionate witnesses to our own lives, seeking to understand, not to condemn.

    The Three Lenses of Insight

    To bring structure to this courageous work, we can look at our lives through three distinct but interconnected lenses.

    • Resentments: We begin by making a list of all the people, institutions, and principles we are angry at. We write down every grudge, big or small. Then, for each resentment, we courageously ask a series of questions. “What is the specific action that I am angry about?” “What part of me felt threatened or diminished (e.g., my self-esteem, my security, my ambitions)?” And finally, the most crucial and courageous question of all: “What was my part in this situation?” Perhaps we were dishonest, selfish, or fearful. Perhaps we failed to set a boundary or speak our truth. This question is not about blaming ourselves; it is about reclaiming our power. As long as the other person is 100% of the problem, we are 100% a victim. The moment we see our part, however small, we find the place where we have the power to change.
    • Fears: Next, we turn the light on our fears. We make an exhaustive list of what frightens us. These fears can be tangible (fear of losing a job, fear of illness) or existential (fear of failure, fear of being alone, fear of not being good enough). Once the list is made, we reflect on how these fears have driven our decisions and behaviors throughout our lives. We begin to see that fear has been a secret puppeteer, pulling the strings behind many of our choices. We see how the fear of not being good enough led us to perfectionism, or how the fear of conflict led us to avoid necessary conversations. This awareness is the first step in choosing to act from a place of love or wisdom, rather than from a place of fear.
    • Harms Caused: This lens requires the most courage. Looking at our resentments and fears, we now ask, “Where have my actions, driven by these patterns, caused harm to others?” We list the specific instances where our selfishness, dishonesty, or fear-driven behavior has negatively impacted another person. This is not an exercise in generating shame. Shame says, “I am a bad person.” Courageous responsibility says, “I am a good person who did a harmful thing, and I am willing to see that clearly.” This honest accounting is the necessary prerequisite for making amends and living with integrity. The final, crucial step in this process is to share this inventory with one other trusted human being—a therapist, a sponsor, or a wise friend. Secrecy is the petri dish where shame grows. Speaking our truth out loud to a compassionate witness breaks the toxic power of that secrecy and allows for deep healing and acceptance.

    Putting it into Practice: The Courageous Self-Assessment

    • Create a Safe Container: Find a quiet space. Begin with Conscious Breathing to ground yourself. Remind yourself that the purpose of this work is healing and freedom.
    • Use the Three Lenses of Insight: With a journal, explore your past and present through the lenses of Resentments, Fears, and Harms Caused. Be specific and honest, without justification.
    • Share Your Truth: The culmination of this courageous act is to share your findings with one other trusted human being. This act of sharing breaks the toxic power of secrecy and shame.

    This Week’s Practice

    Choose one past resentment that still has a hold on you. In your journal, write about the situation from the other person’s perspective, with as much compassion as you can muster. Then

  • The Grounding Principle of Integrity

    The Grounding Principle of Integrity

    Chapter 18 of Realized Serenity
    The Grounding Principle of Integrity

    The Grounding Principle of Integrity

    After the courageous work of self-assessment, the spiritual path leads us to the fifth principle: Integrity. Integrity is the state of being whole and undivided. It is the practice of becoming authentic, truthful, and real, where our outer life begins to accurately reflect our inner values. If Truth is seeing reality and Courage is facing it, Integrity is the act of living in alignment with that reality. When we live with integrity, the painful gap between the person we aspire to be and the person we are in our daily actions begins to close. This is where our spiritual practice moves from an abstract concept into a lived, embodied reality.

    A Story of Integrity

    Jessica valued kindness above all else, yet she found herself frequently engaging in office gossip. It felt good in the moment, a way to bond with her colleagues, but she always left these conversations feeling a subtle sense of self-betrayal. It was a small thing, but it created a crack in her sense of self. Practicing integrity, she made a quiet commitment: for one week, she would not say anything about a person that she wouldn’t say to them directly. It was harder than she thought. She had to politely excuse herself from conversations and bite her tongue more than once. But at the end of the week, she felt a new sense of wholeness. Her actions were finally in alignment with her values, and the peace that came from that was far more satisfying than the temporary thrill of gossip.

    The Antidote to a Divided Self

    Integrity is the direct antidote to the profound pain of a divided self. This is the inner friction and exhaustion that comes from a lack of authenticity. It is the stress of keeping up appearances, of wearing different masks for different people, and the deep loneliness of feeling that no one truly knows you. A divided self is constantly performing, calculating, and managing perceptions. This is an incredibly draining way to live.

    The pain of a divided self manifests in many ways: the self-betrayal Jessica felt after gossiping, the broken promises we make to ourselves to eat better or meditate, the way we say “yes” when our whole being is screaming “no.” Each of these small moments is a micro-betrayal of our own truth. Over time, these moments erode our self-trust and self-respect, leaving us feeling hollow and disconnected. The practice of Integrity is the process of integration, of gathering the fragmented pieces of ourselves and becoming whole.

    The Foundation of Integrity: Defining Your Core Values

    We cannot live in alignment with values we have not consciously identified. Many of us operate on a set of inherited, unexamined values from our family, culture, or religion. The first step in building a life of integrity is to get quiet and determine what is truly important to us. This is an extension of the courageous self-assessment, but instead of looking at our patterns, we are looking for our principles.

    This process involves deep reflection and journaling. We ask ourselves questions like: “What qualities do I admire most in other people?” “When have I felt most alive and authentic?” “What would I stand for, even if I stood alone?” From this inquiry, we can distill a short list of three to five core values. These might be words like Honesty, Compassion, Freedom, Security, Growth, or Connection.

    These values become our personal constitution, our North Star. They are the criteria against which we can measure our choices. When faced with a decision, big or small, a person practicing integrity can ask, “Which choice is most in alignment with my core values?” This simple question can cut through immense confusion and provide a clear path forward.

    Integrity in Action: From Values to Lived Experience

    Once we have defined our values, integrity demands that we practice them. This is where the path gets very real and practical.

    • Making and Keeping Promises to Yourself: Integrity begins with the promises we make to ourselves. Every time you commit to a five-minute meditation and you do it, you are building integrity. Every time you promise yourself you’ll go for a walk and you follow through, you are building self-trust. Small, consistent acts of keeping your word to yourself are the foundational bricks of a whole and integrated life.
    • The Living Amends: The courageous self-assessment reveals where our past actions were out of alignment with our values and caused harm. Integrity asks us to take responsibility for that harm. This often takes the form of a “living amends.” It may involve a direct, sincere apology: “I was out of line when I said that. I am sorry.” An apology is not about getting a response; it is about cleaning up our side of the street and restoring our own integrity. More broadly, a living amends is about changing our behavior. If we harmed someone through our impatience, the living amends is the daily practice of patience.
    • Boundaries as an Act of Integrity: As mentioned in the principle of Courage, setting boundaries is a primary way we live with integrity. A boundary is a clear expression of our values. If we value peace, we may need a boundary around engaging in arguments. If we value family, we may need a boundary around our work hours. Saying “no” to things that are out of alignment with our values is a powerful act of saying “yes” to ourselves.

    Jessica’s story is a perfect example of integrity in action. Her value was kindness. Her action (gossip) was out of alignment. Her practice was to make a new choice that aligned her behavior with her value. The result was not a reward or praise from others, but an inner sense of wholeness and peace, which is the true hallmark of a life of integrity.

    Putting it into Practice: Living a Whole Life

    • Define Your Core Values: You cannot live in alignment with values you haven’t defined. Take time to journal and identify your top three to five core values (Examples: Honesty, Compassion, Freedom, Security, Growth, Connection).
    • Conduct a Weekly Integrity Review: At the end of each week, take 10 minutes for a private review. Look back over your week and ask: “In what moments did my actions align with my core values? In what moments were they out of alignment?” The goal is not perfection; it is awareness.
    • Make a Living Amends: The principle of Integrity asks us to take responsibility for our actions. When you act out of alignment with your values and cause harm, the practice is to clean it up. A simple, sincere apology—”I was out of line. I am sorry.”—can restore integrity and repair connection.

    This Week’s Practice

    Look at the core values you defined. Choose one. For the next seven days, make that value your primary focus. Before making decisions, ask yourself, “Which choice is most in alignment with this value?” Notice how it feels to act from this centered place.

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  • The Catalyst Principle of Willingness

    The Catalyst Principle of Willingness

    Chapter 19 of Realized Serenity
    The Catalyst Principle of Willingness

    The Catalyst Principle of Willingness

    After we have defined our values and committed to a life of integrity, we often encounter a powerful and perplexing obstacle: our own internal resistance. We may know exactly what we need to do, but we find ourselves unable to do it. This is where the sixth principle, Willingness, becomes the catalyst for all further transformation. Willingness is the key that opens the door when our own willpower is not enough. After our courageous self-assessment reveals the patterns we need to change, Willingness is the internal state of being truly ready to have those limiting habits removed.

    A Story of Willingness

    Tom knew he needed to quit smoking. He had the knowledge, he had the desire, but he was stuck. Every time he tried, a deep resistance would rise up. He felt completely unwilling to face the discomfort. His breakthrough came when he changed his approach. Instead of trying to force himself to be willing, he simply started to pray for it. Every morning, he would say, “Today, I am willing to be made willing to quit.” He didn’t feel any different at first, but he kept at it. Slowly, subtly, something began to shift. The resistance began to soften. A few weeks later, he found himself ready. The willingness he had prayed for had arrived, not through force, but through a gentle opening.

    The Antidote to Resistance

    Willingness is the direct antidote to the stubbornness and resistance that keep us stuck. Resistance is the ego’s defense mechanism against change. Even when a habit or pattern is causing us immense suffering, the ego often perceives it as familiar and therefore “safe.” The prospect of change, even positive change, represents the unknown, which the ego registers as a threat. This creates a powerful internal conflict: a part of us desperately wants to change, while another part digs in its heels, terrified to let go.

    This is the state of being “stuck.” We are caught between the pain of our current situation and the fear of the unknown. Willpower alone is often insufficient to overcome this internal stalemate. Trying to force ourselves to change can even strengthen the resistance, turning our inner world into a battlefield. Willingness offers a different path. It is not about fighting the resistance; it is about gently dissolving it. It is the understanding that we must become willing to be helped and willing to be changed by a power greater than our own struggling ego.

    The Nature of Unwillingness

    To cultivate willingness, it helps to understand the nature of its opposite. Unwillingness is not just laziness or procrastination. It is a form of energetic stagnation, often rooted in deep-seated fears. What is the “payoff” for staying stuck? What comfort does the familiar pattern provide, even if it’s painful?

    For Tom, the “payoff” of smoking might have been a reliable way to manage stress or a familiar ritual that structured his day. The unwillingness to quit was not a character flaw; it was a fear of facing his life without this coping mechanism. His resistance was a misguided attempt at self-protection.

    When we feel unwilling, we are often protecting a vulnerable part of ourselves. Unwillingness to set a boundary might be protecting us from the fear of another person’s anger. Unwillingness to leave a toxic job might be protecting us from the fear of financial insecurity. By looking at our resistance with curiosity instead of judgment, we can begin to understand its underlying fears. This compassionate inquiry is the first step in softening our hearts and creating an opening for willingness to enter.

    Willingness as a Catalyst, Not a Force

    The great paradox of willingness is that it cannot be forced. You cannot simply decide to be willing through sheer force of will, any more than you can force a flower to bloom. Willingness is not an action; it is a state of being. It is a receptive posture of openness. It is the simple, humble admission, “My way is not working. I am ready to try something different.”

    This is why Tom’s story is so instructive. He didn’t try to bully himself into quitting. He took a step back and simply began to cultivate the state of willingness itself. His prayer, “I am willing to be made willing,” is a powerful tool. It bypasses the resistant ego and speaks directly to a deeper part of ourselves, or to a Higher Power. It doesn’t require us to be willing in that moment; it only asks that we be open to the possibility of becoming willing at some point in the future.

    This gentle approach is the key. It respects the ego’s fear while simultaneously creating a space for a new possibility to emerge. Willingness is the catalyst that allows the alchemy of change to occur. It doesn’t cause the change directly, but it creates the necessary conditions for the change to happen.

    Cultivating a Willing Spirit

    If we cannot force willingness, how do we cultivate it? We do so through small, consistent practices that signal our intention to our deeper self and to the universe.

    • The Willingness Prayer: As Tom demonstrated, a simple prayer or affirmation is the cornerstone of this practice. When you encounter a wall of resistance, instead of fighting it, simply state your intention: “I am open and willing to see this differently.” “I am willing to be made willing to forgive.” “I am willing to let go of this pattern when the time is right.”
    • Act As If: Willingness is a muscle that grows stronger with use. When you feel unwilling to do something you know is good for you (like meditating or exercising), make a deal with yourself to do it for just five minutes. “Act as if” you are a willing person for that short period. Often, the feeling of willingness will follow the action. The initial momentum can overcome the inertia of resistance.
    • Move Your Body: Resistance is often a state of physical and energetic stagnation. One of the fastest ways to shift a state of mental unwillingness is to change your physical state. Go for a walk, do some gentle stretching, or put on music and dance. Moving your body helps to move the stuck energy and can create the very opening your mind needs to become more willing.

    By engaging in these practices, we are not attacking our resistance. We are gently tending the soil of our inner world, creating a fertile ground where the seed of willingness can naturally sprout and grow.

    Putting it into Practice: Cultivating a Willing Spirit

    • The Willingness Prayer: For moments of resistance, simply repeat this prayer, either silently or aloud: “Higher Power, I am willing to be made willing.” This prayer doesn’t require you to be willing; it only asks that you be open to becoming willing.
    • Act As If: Willingness is a muscle. When you feel unwilling to do something you know is good for you, commit to doing it for just five minutes. “Act as if” you ar
  • The Peaceful Principle of Humility

    The Peaceful Principle of Humility

    Chapter 20 of Realized Serenity
    The Peaceful Principle of Humility

    The Peaceful Principle of Humility

    As we become more willing to change, the spiritual path introduces us to the seventh principle: Humility. In a culture that often celebrates self-promotion and the projection of unwavering confidence, humility can be deeply misunderstood. It is often confused with humiliation or low self-esteem. But true spiritual humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is the profound freedom that comes from thinking of yourself less. It is the peaceful and accurate understanding of our rightful place in the universe—as a small but essential part of an interconnected whole. Humility is the wisdom to set aside all the things we think we know in order to become open and receptive to a greater wisdom.

    A Story of Humility

    As a manager, Karen believed she had to have all the answers. Her team would come to her with problems, and she would feel immense pressure to solve them instantly. It was exhausting, and it created a culture of dependency. One day, a major crisis hit, and she was stumped. In a moment of vulnerability, she called her team together and said, “I don’t know how to fix this. But I believe that together, we can figure it out. What are your ideas?” The shift in the room was palpable. Her team, feeling trusted and empowered, came alive with creative solutions. Karen learned that true leadership wasn’t about knowing everything; it was about creating the space for collective wisdom to emerge. Her humility became her greatest strength.

    The Antidote to Ego

    Humility is the direct antidote to the pain of arrogance and the prison of the self-centered ego. The ego’s primary job is to maintain its own importance and to prove its superiority. It lives in a constant state of comparison, judgment, and competition. It is the voice in our head that insists on being “right,” that needs to have the last word, and that is terrified of appearing weak or ignorant. This constant posturing is exhausting and creates a barrier to genuine connection with others and to a higher wisdom.

    Arrogance is the deep-seated belief that our way is the best way and that we can handle everything ourselves. It closes us off to feedback, to learning, and to help. It is a lonely and stressful way to live. Humility is the simple, courageous act of saying, “I don’t have all the answers, and I can’t do this alone.” This admission is not a sign of failure; it is the key that unlocks the door to grace, collaboration, and a wisdom far greater than our own. When we are humble, we are teachable. When we are teachable, the entire universe becomes our teacher.

    The Freedom of Not Knowing

    The ego is obsessed with knowing. It accumulates facts, opinions, and beliefs, and builds its identity around them. This creates a rigid and defensive mindset. We become so attached to what we “know” that we are unable to see new possibilities. Humility, on the other hand, is the embrace of “not knowing.” It is the recognition that the mystery of life is far vaster than our limited intellectual understanding.

    Karen’s story is a perfect illustration of this. Her belief that she had to have all the answers was a heavy burden. The moment she had the humility to say, “I don’t know,” she was liberated from that burden. More importantly, her admission created an opening for a greater, collective intelligence to flow through her team. She moved from being a bottleneck of knowledge to a conduit for wisdom.

    This is one of the greatest gifts of humility. It relieves us of the impossible pressure of having to be perfect, to be right, and to be in control. It allows us to relax into a more open and curious posture toward life. We become better listeners, more compassionate friends, and more effective leaders, because we are no longer focused on proving our own worth. We are focused on what is true and what is needed in the moment.

    Humility as a Gateway to Connection

    Arrogance creates separation. When we are operating from a place of ego, we see others as either competitors to be defeated, inferiors to be taught, or superiors to be envied. This transactional view of relationships makes true, heart-to-heart connection impossible.

    Humility is the foundation for genuine connection. When we are humble, we see others not through the lens of comparison, but through the lens of our shared humanity. We recognize that everyone we meet has a story, has struggles, and possesses a unique wisdom that we do not. This perspective allows us to listen with empathy and to learn from everyone.

    The practice of active listening is a profound exercise in humility. It requires us to set aside our own agenda, our own desire to tell our story, and our own need to fix or advise, and to simply offer another person the gift of our full, receptive presence. In doing so, we are saying, “You matter. Your experience is valid. I am here to understand, not to judge.” This humble posture is what allows love and connection to flourish. It dissolves the barriers of the ego and reminds us that we are all in this together.

    Cultivating a Humble Spirit

    Like willingness, humility is a state of being that we cultivate through consistent practice. It is about gently training ourselves to step out of the spotlight of our own ego and into a more spacious and connected way of being.

    • Practice Active Listening: In your next conversation, make your sole intention to understand the other person’s perspective. Resist the urge to formulate your response, interrupt, or share your own story. Notice how it feels to simply receive.
    • Embrace “I Don’t Know”: When faced with a question you can’t answer or a situation you can’t solve, resist the urge to pretend or to posture. Experiment with the simple, honest power of admitting, “I don’t know.” Notice the sense of relief that comes with it.
    • Perform Anonymous Service: Once a week, perform one small, helpful act for someone without them knowing it was you. This could be paying for the coffee of the person behind you, picking up a piece of trash, or leaving an anonymous note of encouragement. This practice purifies our motives, training us to act from a place of love rather than a need for recognition.

    By engaging in these practices, we gently chip away at the armor of the ego. We learn that our worth is not based on what we know or how we perform, but on our inherent nature as a part of a greater whole. This is the deep, quiet, and unshakable peace of humility.

    Putting it into Practice: The Freedom of Not Knowing

    • Practice Active Listening: In your next conversation, make your sole intention to understand the other person’s perspective. Resist the urge to formulate your response, interrupt, or share your own story.
    • Embrace “I Don’t Know”: When faced with a question you can’t answer, resist the urge to pretend. Admitting you don’t know opens you up to learning.
    • Pe
  • The Heart-Opening Principle of Love

    The Heart-Opening Principle of Love

    Chapter 21 of Realized Serenity
    The Heart-Opening Principle of Love

    The Heart-Opening Principle of Love

    As we walk the path of humility, we create a spaciousness within ourselves. We are no longer consumed by the ego’s endless project of self-importance. Into this newfound space, the eighth principle, Love, can finally blossom. This principle, which includes the profound practice of Forgiveness, marks a pivotal shift in our journey. A profound realization occurs when we understand that love is not something we lack and must acquire from the outside world. The essence of our being is love. The spiritual work, therefore, is not to get love, but to courageously remove the barriers of fear, judgment, and resentment that we have built around our own hearts.

    A Story of Love

    A deep betrayal by a close friend had left Emily bitter for years. She held onto her anger like a shield, believing that forgiving him would mean condoning his actions. The resentment was a heavy weight, poisoning her other relationships and her own peace of mind. The shift came when she realized forgiveness wasn’t for him; it was for her. She sat down and wrote a long, angry letter, pouring out all her pain and rage onto the page. She didn’t send it. Then, she lit a candle and burned the letter, and as the smoke rose, she said, “For the sake of my own peace, I let this go.” She didn’t feel a magical rush of love for her former friend, but she felt a profound sense of lightness. She had finally set herself free.

    The Antidote to Ego

    Humility is the direct antidote to the pain of arrogance and the prison of the self-centered ego. The ego’s primary job is to maintain its own importance and to prove its superiority. It lives in a constant state of comparison, judgment, and competition. It is the voice in our head that insists on being “right,” that needs to have the last word, and that is terrified of appearing weak or ignorant. This constant posturing is exhausting and creates a barrier to genuine connection with others and to a higher wisdom.

    Arrogance is the deep-seated belief that our way is the best way and that we can handle everything ourselves. It closes us off to feedback, to learning, and to help. It is a lonely and stressful way to live. Humility is the simple, courageous act of saying, “I don’t have all the answers, and I can’t do this alone.” This admission is not a sign of failure; it is the key that unlocks the door to grace, collaboration, and a wisdom far greater than our own. When we are humble, we are teachable. When we are teachable, the entire universe becomes our teacher.

    The Freedom of Not Knowing

    The ego is obsessed with knowing. It accumulates facts, opinions, and beliefs, and builds its identity around them. This creates a rigid and defensive mindset. We become so attached to what we “know” that we are unable to see new possibilities. Humility, on the other hand, is the embrace of “not knowing.” It is the recognition that the mystery of life is far vaster than our limited intellectual understanding.

    Karen’s story is a perfect illustration of this. Her belief that she had to have all the answers was a heavy burden. The moment she had the humility to say, “I don’t know,” she was liberated from that burden. More importantly, her admission created an opening for a greater, collective intelligence to flow through her team. She moved from being a bottleneck of knowledge to a conduit for wisdom.

    This is one of the greatest gifts of humility. It relieves us of the impossible pressure of having to be perfect, to be right, and to be in control. It allows us to relax into a more open and curious posture toward life. We become better listeners, more compassionate friends, and more effective leaders, because we are no longer focused on proving our own worth. We are focused on what is true and what is needed in the moment.

    Humility as a Gateway to Connection

    Arrogance creates separation. When we are operating from a place of ego, we see others as either competitors to be defeated, inferiors to be taught, or superiors to be envied. This transactional view of relationships makes true, heart-to-heart connection impossible.

    Humility is the foundation for genuine connection. When we are humble, we see others not through the lens of comparison, but through the lens of our shared humanity. We recognize that everyone we meet has a story, has struggles, and possesses a unique wisdom that we do not. This perspective allows us to listen with empathy and to learn from everyone.

    The practice of active listening is a profound exercise in humility. It requires us to set aside our own agenda, our own desire to tell our story, and our own need to fix or advise, and to simply offer another person the gift of our full, receptive presence. In doing so, we are saying, “You matter. Your experience is valid. I am here to understand, not to judge.” This humble posture is what allows love and connection to flourish. It dissolves the barriers of the ego and reminds us that we are all in this together.

    Cultivating a Humble Spirit

    Like willingness, humility is a state of being that we cultivate through consistent practice. It is about gently training ourselves to step out of the spotlight of our own ego and into a more spacious and connected way of being.

    • Practice Active Listening: In your next conversation, make your sole intention to understand the other person’s perspective. Resist the urge to formulate your response, interrupt, or share your own story. Notice how it feels to simply receive.
    • Embrace “I Don’t Know”: When faced with a question you can’t answer or a situation you can’t solve, resist the urge to pretend or to posture. Experiment with the simple, honest power of admitting, “I don’t know.” Notice the sense of relief that comes with it.
    • Perform Anonymous Service: Once a week, perform one small, helpful act for someone without them knowing it was you. This could be paying for the coffee of the person behind you, picking up a piece of trash, or leaving an anonymous note of encouragement. This practice purifies our motives, training us to act from a place of love rather than a need for recognition.

    By engaging in these practices, we gently chip away at the armor of the ego. We learn that our worth is not based on what we know or how we perform, but on our inherent nature as a part of a greater whole. This is the deep, quiet, and unshakable peace of humility.

    Putting it into Practice: The Freedom of Not Knowing

    • Practice Active Listening: In your next conversation, make your sole intention to understand the other person’s perspective. Resist the urge to formulate your response, interrupt, or share your own story.
    • Embrace “I Don’t Know”: When faced with a question you can’t answer, resist the urge to pretend. Admitting you don’t know opens you up to learning.
    • Perform Anonymous Service: Once a week,
  • The Supportive Principle of Discipline

    The Supportive Principle of Discipline

    Chapter 22 of Realized Serenity
    The Supportive Principle of Discipline

    The Supportive Principle of Discipline

    On the path to serenity, our journey through truth, hope, surrender, courage, humility, and love brings us to a deeply practical and grounding principle: Discipline. For many, the word “discipline” conjures images of punishment, rigid self-control, and joyless obligation. But in this spiritual context, discipline is reframed as a loving, consistent commitment to one’s own well-being. It is the quiet strength that translates our spiritual intentions into daily, lived reality. Discipline is the bridge between the person we are and the person we aspire to be. It is the structure that supports our transformation.

    A Story of Discipline

    Mark wanted to have a morning meditation practice, but he could never stick with it. He’d try to sit for 20 minutes, find his mind was too busy, get frustrated, and quit, concluding he was “bad at meditation.” His approach changed when he reframed discipline as an act of self-love. He asked himself, “What is the kindest, most sustainable way I can show up for myself in the morning?” The answer wasn’t 20 minutes of perfect stillness. It was five minutes. He made a commitment to sit for just five minutes every morning, no matter what. Some days his mind was calm, other days it was a circus. But he always showed up. That small, consistent act of discipline did more for his peace of mind than all his previous efforts combined, because it rebuilt his trust in himself.

    The Antidote to Inconsistency and Broken Self-Trust

    Discipline is the direct antidote to the habit of inconsistency and the quiet pain of broken promises to oneself. Every time we set an intention—to meditate, to move our bodies, to be more present with our family—and then fail to follow through, we create a small fracture in our relationship with ourselves. We learn, on a subconscious level, that our word is not reliable. This erosion of self-trust is a significant source of inner discord. It creates a gap between our values and our actions, which is the very definition of a life lacking integrity.

    The practice of discipline, when approached with compassion, is the work of healing this fracture. As Mark’s story shows, it is not about achieving perfection. It is about the simple, repeated act of showing up. Each time we keep a small promise to ourselves, we are laying a new brick in the foundation of self-trust. We are proving to ourselves, one day at a time, that we are someone who can be counted on. This creates a powerful, positive feedback loop. The more we trust ourselves, the easier it becomes to take on new challenges and the more resilient we become in the face of setbacks.

    The Power of Consistency Over Intensity

    Our culture often glorifies intense, all-or-nothing efforts. We are encouraged to go on crash diets, to do extreme workout programs, or to go on long, silent meditation retreats. While these can be valuable, they are not the foundation of lasting change. The true engine of transformation is consistency. A five-minute daily meditation practiced every single day is infinitely more powerful than a one-hour meditation practiced once a month.

    Why? Because consistency rewires the brain. The principle of neuroplasticity states that our brains change in response to our repeated experiences. When we consistently practice a new habit, we are literally carving new neural pathways. The gentle, daily return to the meditation cushion strengthens the “muscles” of attention and self-awareness. Over time, this consistent practice changes our default state. Peace and presence become more accessible, not because of one heroic effort, but because of hundreds of small, humble ones.

    Intensity can be inspiring, but consistency is what creates identity. When you show up for your five-minute practice every day, you are not just meditating; you are becoming a person who meditates. You are integrating the practice into the very fabric of your being.

    Creating a Sacred Structure

    To support our consistency, we need a structure. The practice of discipline involves creating a simple, supportive routine or ritual for our spiritual life. It is crucial to understand that this structure is not a cage designed to restrict us; it is a trellis designed to support our growth. A well-designed daily practice does not add stress to our lives; it creates the container that holds us through the stresses of our lives.

    The most effective way to create this structure is by “bookending” our day. By creating a small, intentional ritual in the morning and in the evening, we can profoundly influence the quality of our entire day and our sleep.

    A morning ritual, even one that is just ten minutes long, allows us to start the day from a place of intention rather than reaction. Before the world rushes in with its demands, we take a few moments to connect with ourselves, to breathe, to move, and to set an intention for the day ahead. This simple act can shift our entire orientation from being a passive recipient of the day’s events to being a conscious creator of our experience.

    An evening ritual is an act of closure. It is a time to release the day’s stresses, to reflect on its lessons, and to consciously prepare the body and mind for restorative rest. This might involve journaling, gentle stretching, or a body scan meditation. By creating this buffer between the busyness of the day and the stillness of the night, we signal to our nervous system that it is safe to let go.

    This sacred structure reduces decision fatigue. We don’t have to wake up and wonder if we are going to practice. The decision has already been made. The structure holds us, allowing us to simply show up and receive the benefits of our loving discipline.

    Putting it into Practice: The Compassionate Commitment

    • Consistency Over Intensity: The goal is not perfection; it is consistency. A five-minute daily meditation practiced every day is infinitely more powerful than a one-hour meditation practiced once a month. Choose small, sustainable actions.
    • Create a Sacred Structure: Design a simple morning or evening routine that supports your serenity. This is not a cage, but a container for your growth. It could be as simple as five minutes of Conscious Breathing before checking your phone in the morning.
    • Practice “Just for Today”: When lifetime commitment feels overwhelming, practice discipline “just for today.” This makes the task manageable and keeps you focused on the present moment, which is the only place practice can happen.

    This Week’s Practice

    Choose one small, beneficial action you want to incorporate into your life. Make a commitment to do it for just seven days. Track your progress on a calendar. The goal is not to do it perfectly, but to build the muscle of showing up for yourself.

    Going Deeper

    • What is your story about discipline? Do you see it as a punishment or as a gift?
    • If you consistently kept one small promise to yours
  • The Enduring Principle of Perseverance

    The Enduring Principle of Perseverance

    Chapter 23 of Realized Serenity
    The Enduring Principle of Perseverance

    The Enduring Principle of Perseverance

    After we have built a loving structure of Discipline in our lives, our journey brings us to its essential companion: the tenth principle, Perseverance. Spiritual growth is not a short sprint; it is a lifelong commitment. Perseverance is the quiet fortitude that sustains our discipline over the long haul. It is the quality that keeps us on the path through the inevitable challenges, the periods of doubt, the spiritual plateaus, and the moments when our initial motivation fades. If discipline is the act of building the bridge to a new way of being, perseverance is the act of walking across it, day after day, especially when we can’t see the other side.

    A Story of Perseverance

    After six months of dedicated practice, Lisa hit a wall. The initial excitement had worn off, and she felt like she wasn’t making any progress. Her old habits of anxiety and impatience were creeping back in. She was ready to quit, thinking the whole thing was a waste of time. She shared her frustration with a friend from her serenity circle. Her friend didn’t offer advice. She just listened and then said, “I remember when you used to have a panic attack before every work presentation. You haven’t had one in months. Do you remember that?” Lisa had been so focused on her current struggle that she had completely forgotten how far she had come. Her friend’s reflection gave her the fuel she needed to persevere, trusting that even when she couldn’t see it, the process was still working.

    The Antidote to the Urge to Quit

    Perseverance is the direct antidote to the deeply human habit of quitting when things get difficult. Many of us have a history of starting new plans—diets, exercise routines, spiritual practices—with great enthusiasm, only to abandon them at the first sign of resistance or when the initial “honeymoon” phase is over. Each time we quit, we reinforce a subconscious belief that we are not capable of long-term change. This creates a cycle of shame and learned helplessness.

    Perseverance is the gentle but firm practice of rewriting that story. Each day that you show up for your practice, even when you don’t feel like it, you are casting a vote for a new identity. You are proving to yourself, through action, that you are someone who can be counted on. This is not about being perfect. The path is not a straight line; it is a spiral. We will inevitably circle back to old challenges and patterns. Perseverance is not the absence of setbacks; it is the practice of getting back up, of beginning again, with compassion and without drama, after we have fallen.

    Navigating the Spiritual Plateau

    One of the greatest tests of perseverance is the “spiritual plateau.” This is a period, as Lisa experienced, where it feels like nothing is happening. The initial insights have faded, the emotional highs are gone, and the practice can start to feel like a chore. Our ego, which loves drama and measurable progress, gets bored and begins to whisper, “This isn’t working anymore. You might as well stop.”

    It is crucial to understand that the plateau is not a sign of failure; it is a sign of integration. This is the phase where the practice moves from being a novel and exciting activity to becoming a deep, quiet, and ordinary part of your life. This is where the real, subtle, and lasting changes are taking root, far below the surface of our conscious awareness.

    Persevering through the plateau is an act of faith. It is the trust that even when we cannot see the growth, the process is still working. It is the wisdom to know that a seed does its most important work in the darkness of the soil before it ever breaks through into the light. During these times, our practice shifts from being about feeling good to being about showing up. This is what forges a resilient and mature spiritual life.

    The Fuel for the Long Journey

    If perseverance is the engine, what is its fuel? We cannot rely on willpower alone, as it is a finite resource. A sustainable practice of perseverance is fueled by a combination of perspective, celebration, and connection.

    • The Power of Perspective (“Just for Today”): The thought of having to do a practice for the rest of our lives can be overwhelming and can trigger the urge to quit. The antidote is to bring our focus back to the only time we can actually do anything: today. When the long road ahead feels daunting, the practice is to ask, “What is the one small thing I can do for my serenity right now, just for today?” This makes the journey manageable. By stringing together a series of “just for todays,” we can walk a thousand miles.
    • Celebrating Small Victories: As Lisa’s story shows, we are often blind to our own progress because we are so focused on how far we still have to go. It is essential to create a regular practice of looking back and acknowledging our growth. This can be a monthly journaling session where we reflect on the previous month and ask, “How have my reactions changed? Where have I been more patient or compassionate?” Celebrating these quiet victories is not an act of ego; it is the act of gathering the necessary fuel for the journey ahead. It reminds us that our efforts are not in vain.
    • The Necessity of Community: Perseverance is not a solitary act. As the African proverb says, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” A supportive community, a “Serenity Circle,” is the secret ingredient for long-term growth. When our own motivation wanes, the encouragement of a trusted friend can carry us through. When we lose perspective, the reflection of our community can remind us of how far we’ve come. This shared journey provides accountability, inspiration, and the vital reminder that we are not alone in our struggles.

    By consciously cultivating these sources of fuel, we transform perseverance from a grim, white-knuckled effort into a sustainable and even joyful walk. We learn to endure not through sheer force, but through wisdom, grace, and the support of our fellow travelers.

    Putting it into Practice: The Art of Showing Up

    • Focus on “Just for Today”: When you feel overwhelmed by the thought of practicing for the rest of your life, bring your focus back to the only time you can control: today. Ask yourself, “What is the one right action I can take for my serenity right now?”
    • Celebrate Small Victories: Once a month, schedule time to look back at your journal. Acknowledge the changes in your perspective and reactions. Celebrating these victories is essential fuel for the long journey.
    • Find Your Community: Perseverance is not a solitary act. Share your struggles and your progress with your “Serenity Circle.” The encouragement and accountability of a supportive community is the secret ingredient for long-term growth.

    This Week’s Practice

    Look back in your

  • The Deepening Principle of Spiritual Awareness

    The Deepening Principle of Spiritual Awareness

    Chapter 24 of Realized Serenity
    The Deepening Principle of Spiritual Awareness

    The Deepening Principle of Spiritual Awareness

    As our journey unfolds and we become grounded in the practice of perseverance, a natural and beautiful shift begins to occur. Our focus gradually moves from simply managing the challenges of our lives to actively cultivating a richer, deeper inner world. This brings us to the eleventh principle: Spiritual Awareness. This is the conscious and intentional commitment to improve our conscious contact with our higher power, our own true nature, or the silent, intelligent presence of life itself. It is the practice of learning to quiet the endless external noise and internal chatter so that we can finally hear the deep, inner wisdom that has been there all along.

    A Story of Spiritual Awareness

    As our journey unfolds and we become grounded in the practice of perseverance, a natural and beautiful shift begins to occur. Our focus gradually moves from simply managing the challenges of our lives to actively cultivating a richer, deeper inner world. This brings us to the eleventh principle: Spiritual Awareness. This is the conscious and intentional commitment to improve our conscious contact with our higher power, our own true nature, or the silent, intelligent presence of life itself. It is the practice of learning to quiet the endless external noise and internal chatter so that we can finally hear the deep, inner wisdom that has been there all along.

    The Antidote to Distraction and Disconnection

    Spiritual Awareness is the direct antidote to the defining malady of our modern age: the habit of distraction and the resulting pain of feeling disconnected. We live in a culture that glorifies busyness and provides an infinite buffet of distractions. We use our screens, our schedules, and our constant stream of entertainment to numb ourselves and to avoid the discomfort of our own inner world. We are terrified of being bored, because in the quiet spaces, the uncomfortable feelings we have been suppressing begin to surface.

    This constant outward focus leaves us feeling scattered, anxious, and profoundly disconnected from ourselves, from each other, and from the natural world. We live on the surface of our own lives, skimming from one task to the next, without ever dropping into a state of deep presence. The practice of Spiritual Awareness is the radical act of returning home. It is the choice to turn our attention inward, not to escape the world, but to connect with the source of peace and wisdom that will allow us to engage with the world more fully and lovingly.

    The Practice of Conscious Contact

    The term “conscious contact” is important. This practice is not about achieving some far-off, mystical state of enlightenment. It is about improving the relationship we have with our own deeper consciousness, here and now. Like any relationship, it deepens through consistent, quality time. It requires us to consciously set aside time to be present and to listen. This is the role of formal meditation.

    Meditation is the core training for spiritual awareness. It is the gymnasium where we strengthen the “muscle” of our attention. In meditation, we are not trying to stop our thoughts—that is an impossible task that only leads to frustration. We are simply practicing the art of noticing that we are thinking, and then gently, compassionately, guiding our attention back to a chosen anchor, such as the breath. Each time we do this, we are performing one “rep” of awareness. We are learning to distinguish between the voice of our thoughts (the ego) and the silent, background awareness that is noticing the thoughts (the Observer, our true nature). Over time, this practice creates a space between our thoughts and our identification with them. In this space, peace is found.

    Finding Presence in the Mundane

    While formal meditation is the foundation, the ultimate goal of spiritual awareness is to bring this quality of presence into the ordinary moments of our lives. The path to a serene life is not found by escaping our daily routines, but by infusing them with a new quality of attention. This is the practice of informal meditation, or mindfulness.

    Daniel’s breakthrough in the woods was an experience of this. With his usual distractions removed, he was able to be fully present with his sensory experience. We can cultivate this in our own lives by choosing simple, routine activities and performing them with our full, undivided attention.

    When you wash the dishes, just wash the dishes. Feel the warmth of the water on your hands. See the iridescent soap bubbles. Hear the sound of the plates. When you drink your morning coffee, just drink your coffee. Smell its aroma before you sip. Feel its warmth in your mouth. By bringing this level of mindful attention to one or two mundane activities each day, we bridge the gap between our meditation cushion and the rest of our lives. We learn to find moments of profound peace and connection in the midst of our everyday reality.

    Listening to the Voice of Intuition

    As we create more moments of inner quiet, both in formal practice and in our daily lives, we begin to notice a subtle but powerful shift. We become more attuned to the “voice of our intuition” or our “inner wisdom.” This is not the loud, anxious, or judgmental voice of the ego. It is a quieter, calmer sense of knowing. It can manifest as a gut feeling, a gentle nudge in a certain direction, or a quiet thought that feels deeply true and peaceful.

    In a world saturated with external advice, opinions, and information, the practice of spiritual awareness is the practice of learning to trust our own inner compass. It is the recognition that the deepest wisdom we need is already within us, waiting to be heard. By consistently choosing to create moments of silence, we are saying to our inner self, “I am here. I am listening.” This cultivated relationship with our own intuition becomes our most trusted guide on the path to a life of serenity and purpose.

    Putting it into Practice: Cultivating Conscious Contact

    • Commit to Formal Meditation: This is the core training for awareness. The Anchor of the Breath Meditation is the foundational practice. Make a consistent, compassionate commitment to this practice, even if it’s just for five minutes a day.
    • Find Presence in the Mundane: Turn everyday activities into informal meditations. When you wash the dishes, just wash the dishes. Feel the warm water on your hands, see the soap bubbles, hear the sound of the plates.
    • Connect with Nature: The practice of Natural Connection is one of the most powerful gateways to spiritual awareness. Nature effortlessly pulls us out of our self-obsessed thinking and into a state of awe and wonder.

    This Week’s Practice

    Choose one mundane activity you do every day (like brushing your teeth or making coffee). For one week, commit to doing that one activity with your full, undivided attention. No phone, no podcast, no mental planning. Just be fully present with the sensory experience of the task.</

  • The Healing Power of Writing with Intuition

    The Healing Power of Writing with Intuition

    The Healing Power of Writing with Intuition

    The Healing Power of Writing with Intuition

    Do you ever feel like there’s a conversation happening just beneath the surface of your conscious mind? A whisper of insight, a flicker of emotion, or a deep-seated truth that you can’t quite put into words? In our busy, logic-driven world, we are often taught to ignore this subtle inner dialogue. We learn to edit, censor, and perfect our thoughts before they ever see the light of day. But what if the most profound healing and clarity could be found not by controlling our thoughts, but by letting them flow freely?

    This is the core premise of intuitive writing, a practice that is less about creating a polished masterpiece and more about embarking on a journey of profound self-discovery. It is a powerful tool for anyone seeking to process emotions, enhance self-awareness, and connect with the deep well of wisdom that resides within.

    What is Intuitive Writing?

    At its heart, intuitive writing is the act of tapping into your inner wisdom through a “stream of consciousness” approach. It’s a creative process that relies on instinct and feeling, consciously moving beyond the constraints of formal rules, logical analysis, or rigid structures. The primary instruction is simple but radical: keep the pen moving.

    For a set period, you write continuously without stopping to think, edit, or judge. You give yourself permission to be messy. The conventional rules of grammar, punctuation, and spelling are intentionally set aside. This uninhibited approach is a powerful way to bypass the “inner critic”—that nagging voice in our heads that questions our every move. When the hand keeps moving, the conscious, analytical mind doesn’t have a chance to interfere, allowing a deeper, more authentic voice to emerge. This is where the magic happens. Thoughts, feelings, and insights that you didn’t even know were there begin to flow onto the page.

    The Science of a Healing Pen

    While the practice feels liberatingly simple, it is grounded in robust psychological research. The work of Dr. James Pennebaker in the 1980s pioneered the field of “expressive writing,” demonstrating a powerful link between writing about emotional experiences and improved physical and mental health. His studies showed that the act of translating fragmented, chaotic emotions into a coherent narrative helps the brain organize and integrate difficult memories. This process literally “takes the edge off” traumatic events, reducing stress, anxiety, and their physiological impacts.

    Our “Writing with Intuition” workshop builds on this foundation, integrating it with trauma-informed practices that recognize a crucial truth: many of our deepest wounds and memories are “trapped in the body” and exist outside of verbal language. Intuitive writing provides a safe and gentle pathway to access these non-verbal stories. The “safety of the page” becomes a private, confidential space where you can explore memories and emotions without the pressure of being heard or judged. This allows for a more organic and effective healing process, meeting your experiences where they are stored, rather than forcing them into a premature verbal mold.

    A Synergy of Mind, Body, and Spirit

    The “Writing with Intuition” workshop is built on the understanding that intuition, healing, and mindfulness are deeply interconnected.

    • Mindfulness creates the necessary container for your intuition to emerge. Through simple grounding techniques and breathing exercises, you learn to quiet the mental chatter, allowing you to become a compassionate observer of your own inner world.
    • Intuition is the voice that emerges from that quiet space. It is the deep knowing that surfaces when the ego’s need to control and analyze is set aside.
    • Healing is the natural outcome of this process. By mindfully allowing your intuition to speak, you begin to process unresolved emotions, reframe limiting narratives, and connect with your authentic self.

    This holistic approach ensures that the workshop is not just a writing class, but a comprehensive practice for well-being that integrates the mind, body, and spirit.

    Your Invitation to the Workshop

    Do you feel a pull to understand yourself on a deeper level? Are you seeking a tool to navigate life’s challenges with greater clarity and resilience? Do you want to quiet your inner critic and connect with a more authentic and empowered voice?

    Our “Writing with Intuition” workshop is a meticulously designed five-section journey that will guide you, step-by-step, into this transformative practice. In a safe, supportive, and non-judgmental environment, you will:

    • Learn the Foundations: Discover the core techniques of free writing and stream of consciousness.
    • Write to Heal: Engage with powerful prompts designed to help you process emotions and reframe personal narratives.
    • Deepen Your Intuition: Use advanced techniques like automatic writing and visualization to access profound inner wisdom.
    • Cultivate Self-Compassion: Learn how to reflect on your writing without judgment, fostering a kinder relationship with yourself.
    • Build a Sustainable Practice: Gain the tools and confidence to continue your intuitive writing journey long after the workshop ends.

    This is more than a workshop; it is an invitation to pick up your pen and begin a conversation with the wisest part of yourself. It is an opportunity to discover that you already have everything you need to heal, to grow, and to become the author of your own life. Your story is waiting to be written.

    Are you ready to listen?

  • Habits

    Habits

    Habits

    Habits

    Well, I can tell there are some people that are gathered today that are ready to start the New Year with God’s Word in his church. I am a little bit emotional today because it was 23 years ago on this very weekend that it was a snowy Sunday and about 40 people gathered in a little two-car garage that had been converted into a dance studio, and that was the beginning of something that has become very, very special. This is the beginning of a New Year, and I believe that this could be the beginning of something for many of you that will also be very, very special.

    I love this time of the year. I love it because people are open to the work of God, that people are looking at how they can improve their lives, how they can make changes. And so today, we’re starting a new message series that I cannot describe how much passion I have for this subject. I cannot adequately tell you what I believe is possible if you will hear God’s Word and apply it over the next few weeks. I literally believe that this can redirect the trajectory of so many lives in a direction that would be not only God-honoring but would really help make our lives different. We’re gonna talk about habits.

    What I wanna do is I’ve read or listened to dozens of books on habits over the years. I wanna just expose you to great resources. There are three books in particular that I wanna highlight: Compound Effect by Hardy, this is the book that I had all of my children read, It’s an incredible book. Then The Power of Habit by Duhigg, in my opinion, is probably the classic all-time book on habits. It’s hard to get any better than that book. And James Clear came along and wrote a new book this year that released, and it’s so strong that I invited him to be on my Leadership Podcast to interview him about it. These three books have really influenced me more than any others. If at anywhere you hear something and say, that sounds like something from one of these books, I wanna tell you, it’s probably something from one of these books because they’ve really influenced me in a way that’s been significant, and I wanna give credit to those authors today.

    I will say this, this is a completely original thought, and I’ve said this for years and years. Why do habits matter? Because successful people do consistently what other people do occasionally.

    Successful people in any area of success, if someone is spiritually thriving and they’re close to God, they’re consistently living the disciplines that help them grow close to God. If you’ve got someone that’s financially successful, they’re free, they’re consistently doing things that other people only will occasionally or maybe even never, ever do. Relationally, physically, it’s all about small things leading in a direction of big things over time.

    If you look at, let’s say, who was successful in Scripture. I don’t think anybody would argue that Jesus was an incredibly successful pleasing God. I think they would say Paul was incredibly successful pleasing God. If you look at their lives, one thing I can tell you is that Jesus never, ever, ever said, but I just can’t find the time to pray. I’m so busy, and these disciples, they’re wearing me out. Peter just gets all up on my nerves. I wish I had more time to spend with God, but I just don’t have the time to spend with God. Jesus never, ever said that. What you’ll see is a consistent habit of breaking away from the crowds to have intimate fellowship with God. The Apostle Paul did not make excuses. There’s a verse in Scripture that said he had the habit, everybody say habit, he had the habit…

    Habit.

    …of going to the Temple to actually share his faith with those who were not in the family of God. Habits matter, successful people do consistently what other people do occasionally. I like what Sean Covey said, he said, “Our habits will make or break us. We become what we repeatedly do.”

    You’ll probably acknowledge that this is a good time of the year to talk about habits because this is the time of year that people create New Year’s resolutions. I love that, I celebrate it, I applaud it. That’s the good news that people wanna change. The bad news is that according to studies, 92% of your New Year’s resolutions will be gone by Valentine’s Day. That’s bad news. You know it from last year, you had the goal, the resolution, and for most people in most cases, it doesn’t last, and you end up feeling like the Apostle Paul in his writings in Romans 7, when he said this, I don’t really understand myself, for I want to stop eating junk food, I wanna stop procrastinating, I wanna stop overspending at Target, whatever it is, I wanna do what is right, he says, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. I wanna do what’s right, he says, but I can’t. I wanna do what’s good, but I don’t. I don’t wanna do that which is wrong, but I do it anyway.

    And then he does what so many of us do, he connects his failure to his identity, and he says, oh, what a miserable person I am. What a failure. I’m not disciplined, I’m not becoming more like Christ. What a miserable person. Then he asked the question, and we see him shift in his thinking. He says, who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? And he looks to the source, the only one who can truly change him, and he says, thank God, the answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord, who can change us, who can deliver us, who can set us free.

    Christ is our source, Christ is our strength. Christ is our healing, Christ is our hope, Christ is the one who makes all things new. It doesn’t matter who were, where you were, what you did, where you’ve been. With Christ, he takes all things and makes them new. If anyone is in Christ, he is a new person. The old is gone, and the new has come. My prayer is that you will not only experience all the life available to you in Christ, but you would live out the disciplines that lead to a God-honoring, God-pleasing, successful life, because successful people do consistently what other people do occasionally.

    Why is it that so many of us, we genuinely have good intentions. We want to lose the weight, we want to get on the, we wanna do whatever, but we fail again and again and again. I wanna show you three reasons why we don’t succeed when we have such good intentions.

    1. We focus on the what but we don’t understand the how.

    We focus on the action that we want to perform, the thing that we want to accomplish, but we don’t understand how to get there. Think about it. Almost everybody that you know has for the most part similar goals. If we surveyed 100 of you and said, what’s really important to you in life, most of you would say things that generally fall into the same categories. Most of you would say something about you want to be healthy in some form, you want to be healthy. I don’t know anybody who’s saying, my goal this year is to have dangerously high cholesterol. Right, nobody’s gonna do that.

    All right, when it comes to finances, most people say, you know, I wanna be free, I wanna be out of debt, I wanna be able to be generous. I don’t know anybody who’s saying I want to double the debt that I’m in and get it at really high interest rates. Maybe 19 or 20% would be fantastic. Nobody does that. Relationships, we all want good relationships. Spiritually, if you’re a disciple of Jesus, you wanna be close to God. You want to make a difference in this world. You want your life to matter.

    Most of us, we have very similar goals or hopes, but the results are dramatically different. Some are really achieving what they want in one area, and others are falling way, way short. In fact, I like what James Clear says in his book Atomic Habits. He says that winners and losers generally have the same goals. He says that successful people and unsuccessful people have the same goals. Think about it, at the beginning of any season in sports, what does the coach say to the team? The coach has the same goal, we want to win the championship. I don’t know any coaches that say, this year, we’re shootin’ for fifth place, it’s gonna be amazing. Nobody’s doin’ that, right? When somebody gets married, what do people want? We want love, we want a blessed life, we want to be happy. Nobody’s saying our goal is to make it five years, maybe seven, and then divorce is in the cards. Nobody does that. We all want something similar, but we end up with every different results, why?

    He teaches this idea, and I love it, that goals don’t determine success, but systems determine success. Goals don’t get us alone to the end desire, but the systems in our life determine success. And in fact, to directly quote his book, he says, you don’t rise to the level of your goals, you fall to the level of your systems. You fall to the level of your systems.

    You may say, that doesn’t sound really spiritual at all. When I read the Bible through the lens of that thought, I see examples all over the place of people successful because of Godly systems or unsuccessful because of the lack of systems. When I look at Daniel, he’s a fantastic guy. If I want to model after the life of someone who stood out and had great faith, I wanna live like Daniel. Why was Daniel successful, why was it, amongst a bunch of other young men, did he stand out to all the leaders as Godly, gifted, talented, and different? Why is it that when thrown into a den full of lions because of his obedience to God, he was able to stand strong, trusting God, and come out alive on the other side? It’s because he had the systems in place that led to a life of faith and faithfulness. What was his system? For years and years and years, Daniel had pre-decided that three times a day, every day, he stops to spend time with God. Three times a day.

    If you wanna grow in your faith, and if you want to be more faithful, you will not rise to the level of your goals, you will fall to the level of your systems. If you have in place systems that build your faith, strengthen your knowledge and intimacy with God, then you will more likely become the person that you want to become. Here’s the mistake that we tend to make. We tend to think, I wanna change the results. I wanna, whatever it is. I wanna lose 20 pounds by Easter. I want to be more organized. I wanna finally pay off that one credit card that’s been with me so long, it’s like a pet, it’s been driving me crazy, whatever it is. The problem is this. We need to change the systems that create those results. If we will fix what we do, how we live, the habits in our life, the outcomes will fix themselves. Is anybody interested in this? If you’re interested, say I’m interested.

    Yes! I’m interested.

    I’m gonna tell you a lot more about this, but I’m not gonna tell you about it today. In the weeks to come, I promise you, we’re gonna get very practical building spiritual principles into how to create these systems that will lead to the desired outcomes. That’s just to kinda tease you to get you warmed up.

    2. We don’t see progress fast enough.

    You know this, you’ve been in some area of your life where you’re gonna walk on the treadmill three days that week, and then you get on the scale, and you gained two pounds. This doesn’t work, right? You read your YouVersion Bible plan for four days straight, and then you’re driving to church, and you yell at your kids all the way there. Say, I told you, this thing doesn’t work at all. Whatever it is, you stop drinking coffee to save money, and you go a whole month, and you save $100, and now, you don’t owe $35,500 on your college loan. You owe ’em $35,400! And you’re sayin’, I can’t even make a dent in this. You’ll see results fast enough, and because of that, we tend to make a mistake, and the mistake is this, that we wrongly conclude that small good decisions don’t matter that much.

    That’s right.

    We wrongly conclude, this small, God-honoring habit, this small, faithful decision, this small, good and positive action doesn’t make that big of a difference at all. Then take the flip side, the not-so-good things. What do you do? You go and you play video games for three hours straight, and your wife’s not happy, but she doesn’t leave you. You skip church for a weekend, and your whole world doesn’t fall apart, nothing tragic happens to you spiritually. You eat a third of a box of chocolates, and nothing changes, and so then, you also wrongly conclude that the small, bad decisions don’t impact your life that much.

    The small, good decisions don’t really move the needle, the small, bad decisions don’t matter that much, and you miss the truth of what is impacting your life in massive ways. And that is our life is the sum total of all the decisions that we make. Who you are today is a result of every single small decision that you’ve made along the way. They all matter, and they all add up over time.

    That’s right.

    What happens, you rarely wreck your life and end up in a really bad place all at once. What tends to happen? You make a small decision. A little compromise here, cut the corner there. Fudge a little bit here, lie a little bit there. Bend the rules a little bit here, if you take a step over the line here, and then, one day, you wake up and go, how the heck did I screw up my life so much? You didn’t do it all at one time. How’d you do it? One little bad decision followed by the other.

    Then, you take someone who in some area of their life, they’re crushing it. They’re blowing it out. They’re living the end result of what you want. And you look at that and think, well, well, how’d they get there? They didn’t get there all at once. Again, it was one small decision at a time. It was a moment of self-sacrifice. It was a small discipline, done again and done again, and nobody else knows about the time you spent in prayer and the time that you fasted and the time that you sought after God and the time that you had a difficult conversation, and the early mornings and the late nights, and the grind and the faithfulness, and all the perseverance that it took for you to get to a certain point. They don’t see that, they don’t understand it, but you realize it was one small, faithful decision after another over a period of years that led you to the place that everybody else wants to be.

    That’s good, Pastor.

    Your good decisions are not wasted. They’re being stored up. You may not see it. It’s a little bit like, I eat, essentially, is this true, the same thing every day, like, the same thing over and over and over again, and it impacts my body. For breakfast, I eat oatmeal with 12 blueberries. On a crazy day, I’ll up it to 14. One time, I did 15, it was out of control, okay? And what I do is I heat the water up, and I’ll put room temperature water in the pan, I’ll put the fire on. And the water is just room temperature. You don’t see anything happening, but the fire is changing the temperature in the water. It might be now 78 degrees, then 104, then 139, then 187, then 201. At some point, the heat is being stored up. You may not see it from the outside, but at 211 degrees, what do you have? You’ve got really hot water, 211 degrees. Then at 212 degrees, you hit the tipping point. It’s not just really hot water, it’s boiling water.

    Here’s what will happen. You add a God-honoring discipline, and another one, and another one. You’re generally faithful. Sometimes you mess up, but you’re generally faithful. You may not see any results for a period of time, but the temperature is rising. Your faith is being stored up, and at some point, I promise, there’s a tipping point, and it becomes obvious. You’re now in shape, you’re now out of debt, your marriage is now better, you’re now making a difference, whatever it is. And people will look on, and they’re gonna call you an overnight success. They have no idea all the private sacrifices, all the faithfulness, all the consistency, overcoming your own self-doubt, failing and starting again, praying and seeking God, enduring the criticism. They have no idea, I’ve said this for years, it’s the things that no one sees that bring results everyone wants. It’s what’s invisible, people don’t see it. But you know it, one small decision at a time.

    I like the way the Apostle Paul said it to the believers in Galatia, he said this in Galatians 6:9. He said, let us not become weary in doing good. Let’s not become weary in honoring God. Let’s not become weary in doing the right things. Let’s not become weary in living by a budget. Let’s not become weary in counting calories. Let’s not become weary in getting up 30 minutes earlier to seek God. Let’s not become weary in going to the gym. Let’s not become weary in fasting before our God. Let’s not become weary in doing the right thing, honoring our marriage even when we’re not getting the respect that, for at the proper time, you may not see it for a while, but it’s bein’ stored up. For at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

    3. Our distorted identity sabotages our success.

    What does our enemy do? Our enemy tries to connect our failures to identity. You failed so you are a failure. You did bad, therefore you are bad. That’s what happened to the Apostle Paul as he was recognize, I try to do what’s right, and I don’t do what’s right. Oh, what a miserable person I am.

    When you look at some of the most effective people in God’s Word, you see people who battled with identity issues. In the Old Testament, somewhere along the way, Moses didn’t live up to his own expectations. And so when God called him, he said, I’m not a good public speaker, I’m not a good leader, he identified some failure with who he was, and that sabotaged his potential. The same is true with Gideon. Gideon was nervous. You think I’m not nervous? Yeah, we all get nervous. But he took that failure, that shortcoming, identified with it, he said, I’m the weakest and I’m the least in my community. The Apostle Paul even did that. He said, I’m unqualified, I’m not good enough, I’m not educated enough, I’m the least and I feel incredibly unworthy.

    And this is how it might play out in your life. Well, this is just the way I am. I mean, we’ve always known, I just kinda have an addictive personality, and so, well, I might as well take another drink, right?

    [Congregants] Yeah.

    I’m not good with money, I’ve never been good with money, so might as well go shopping just to deal with it. I’m not a disciplined person. I’m not an organized person. I’ve never been good in relationships. I just can’t seem to get it done. It’s identity, and here’s what happens. An unhealthy identity creates unwise habits. Then, the unwise habits reinforce the unhealthy identity. It’s a cycle. We don’t see ourselves as Godly, therefore, we don’t live in a way that’s not Godly, therefore, the way we live reinforces the identity that we’re not really living for God, and the cycle becomes very, very negative.

    That’s why this year, when we start, we’re gonna do something very, very different. What I’m gonna ask you to do, and I’m gonna ask you to do this in your LifeGroups, and if you’re not yet in a LifeGroup, you may wanna add one small part to your week that could be a total game changer for you spiritually, which is we gather together with other people of God and we sharpen one another spiritually. We do life together, we are people of a broader community, and this is what we do. I’m gonna ask you before you start with, do goals. Here’s what I wanna do. I wanna lose 18 pounds, whatever it is. I wanna encourage you to start with who goals. Not what do you wanna do, but I want you to first start with the identity and ask yourself, who do you want to become?

    Who is it that when people describe you, you want them to describe? You might say, I want to be a true man of God. It’s a great who goal. You might say this. I wanna be clean. I wanna be sober. That’s a fantastic who goal. I wanna be a Godly mom. I wanna be a Godly spouse. It’s a great who goal. I wanna be financially free. I know it might take four years, it might take seven years. I wanna be generous along the way, and I wanna be radically and irrationally generous in the years to come. I wanna be a bold witness to the other people in my school. I wanna be a healthy person. I wanna recognize that my body is a gift from God. It’s a Temple, it’s a house for the Holy Spirit of God. I wanna make it healthy. Who do you want to become?

    Here’s what happens. Identity shapes actions. Identity shapes actions, identity does. For example, years ago when we officed, our church officed in this little complex where my office looked out over a parking lot. These high school students came up, and about, I don’t know, a bunch of ’em got out of the car, and two guys took their shirts off and they were fighting each other. And I turned into a 10th grade boy. I ran through the office yelling, fight, fight, fight, fight! And Pastor Robert Wall joined me, and two pastors went outside and watched these two guys beatin’ the tar out of each other, and we were cheerin’ them on. 30, 45 seconds, maybe a minute, right, yeah! And then, we looked at each other at the same time, and we remembered who we were. We’re grownups. We’re Christian grownups. We’re Christian grownups who are pastors. We don’t cheer on two testosterone-filled, hairy-legged teenage boys beatin’ the crap out of each other. We break it up, regrettably, because it was a good fight, but we break it up. And so we did. The point is, when you know who you are, you know what to do. Who do you wanna be? Well, you know who you are, then you know what the right thing is to do. The do overflows out of the who. Don’t start with the do, start with the who. Who do you want to be?

    Yeah!

    When you know who you are, thank you, Mom, for clapping. There’s an example in one of the books that I read, I can’t remember which one, but they said this. Let’s say you’re tryin’ to stop smoking cigarettes. Tryin’ to stop vaping, okay, whatever it is. And someone says to you, do you want a ciggie? If you say no, I’m trying to quit, what you’re doing is you’re identifying as a smoker. I am a smoker trying to quit. If, on the other hand, you say, no, I don’t smoke anymore, your identity is saying, that’s a part of my past, it’s not a part of my present. Identity shapes actions.

    You may say, but this is just who I am, I can’t change. Remember God’s Word, Romans 6:6, Verse Six says this. We know that our old, sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We’re no longer slaves to sin. For when we died with Christ, we were set free from the power of sin. Now, you are free from your slavery to sin, and you have become slaves to righteous living. When you know who you are, you’ll know what to do. Who are you in Christ? You are redeemed of the Lord, you are righteous in Christ. You are more than a conquerer, you’re an overcomer. You’re blessed that coming in, and you’re blessed, you can do all things not by your own power, but through Christ who gives you strength. Oh, what a miserable person I am. Who can deliver me from this body of death? Oh, thanks be to God! His son Jesus Christ our Lord can set me free.

    Identity shapes actions. When you know who you are, you’ll know what to do. We talked about the negative spiral, let me show you the positive one. Healthy identity, what does it do? It creates positive habits. I fast, I tithe, I pray, I read God’s Word. I eat disciplined, I work out. It creates healthy habits. And positive habits reinforce a healthy identity. I’m a disciplined child of God. I’m a contributor, I’m an ambassador, I’m one who makes a difference in this world. Who do you want to become?

    23 years ago, on this weekend, I had, Katie was 19, 20 months old, Mandy was a baby. Amy and I were kids, and we gathered with a few people and started this place. And what’s happened over 23 years is almost impossible for me to get my mind around. I figure I got another 23 good, hard years in me.

    Yeah! Woo!

    ’cause I’m a disciplined child of God.

    Yes. Amen.

    What do I want people to say about me when I’m in my 70s? Who do I wanna be? I jotted, just on a napkin, a few things down, this is who I wanna be. I’ll just tell you what I wrote down without even thinkin’. I want people to say this about me. He’s a guy who loves Jesus. He’s obsessed with his wife. He’s a great dad, and even a better pops.

    Yeah!

    And he’s a devoted pastor to the church that he loves. I want people to say, he’s a strong leader who believes in the best in people, and he helps people do more for the glory of God than they can do on their own. I don’t think anybody will say this, but I want them to intuitively feel it. I don’t think they’re gonna say this next statement, but I want them to feel it. He’s a wise steward. And they’re not gonna say it, he’s a wise steward, you’re not gonna say that. But what I want you to feel is this guy takes care of whatever’s trusted to him, his health, his influence, his marriage, his money, his time, and he uses it to glorify God. Then I want you to say something like this. The dude is enjoying the ride. He’s rich in friendships and experiences and generosity, and he’s leavin’ one heck of a legacy. One heck of a legacy. That’s what I want you to say.

    That’s good.

    When you know who you are, you’ll know what to do. No single action will change your identity, but consistent actions over time start to change how you feel about yourself and change your identity because successful people do consistently what other people do occasionally. Who do you wanna be?

    At our church, for years now, our staff and many of you have prayed and asked God to give them a word for the year, one word that kinda represents what we’re praying God would do in our lives. Some people, their word is discipline, sacrifice, faithfulness, joy, rest, whatever it is. Amy’s word for several years has been give. Give. So my word is earn. You gotta fund that girl, right, so. This year, this year, I asked Amy, what’s her word, you ready for this? This is a true story, 100% true, this is Amy. Her word is Jesus. Well, you win. Jesus, whatever my word is sucks. It’s, like, all downhill from there, what do you do there? So you know what my word is? Amy. ‘Cause Jesus is already taken. So if she’s tryin’ to be like Him, I might try to be like her. And I laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed at this, you can’t have Jesus as a word. It’s not fair. What’s it next year, Holy Spirit? And then it dawned on me. That’s exactly who I wanna be.

    Yes. That’s good.

    It’s who I wanna be. I wanna be like Christ. Because if I’m like Him, I’m full of love, full of grace, full of truth. I reflect the love of God in this world. I wanna be like Jesus. Conform me to His image. And if you’re becoming more like Christ, you know who you are, then you know what to do.

    That’s right.

    Because truly God-honoring people do consistently what other people do occasionally.

    That’s right. That’s good.

    So Father, help us to be like Jesus. Do a work in us, God. Stir up your church, God, to have great goals. Not just for the things in this world but to be who you call us to be. All of our churches, as you’re reflecting in prayer today, those of you who would say, I will seek God and listen to Him on who He wants me to become. I’m gonna start with the who. If you’re willing to do that, I know it’s a real ask, this isn’t something like you just do in three minutes. Might take you five, might take you 10. Might take you longer. I wanna seek God for who he wants me to be. Would you lift up your hands? I’m gonna ask you to do that as a church today. All of our churches, Father, I pray that you would just breathe life into this. Doesn’t have to be formal, but years from now, this is really who I want others to know that I am, this is what we stand for. And then, God, in the weeks to come, we thank you that the do is gonna overflow out of the who. More than anything else, more than being a good leader, good dad, good husband, good mom, more than anything else, God, help us to be like your Son, Jesus.

    As you keep prayin’ today in all of our different churches, some of you, you might be spiritually frustrated, could manifest itself in any different way. Maybe you kinda have spiritual thoughts but you never are really consistent. Maybe you believe in God but you never can seem to get it quite right for Him. Maybe you’re not even like a God person at all but there’s something that’s drawing you to Him right now. And you don’t know where you really stand with God. Amy’s word is Jesus, and what I want you to think about is Jesus, who is Jesus? He is the son of God, He is God in the flesh. His name is above every single name. One day, every knee is gonna bow to that name, every tongue is gonna confess his Lordship. If you look at your life as you enter into a New Year, and you recognize you’re living for anything else, you’re shootin’ way too low. You’re shootin’ way too low.

    God loves you so much that he sent Jesus to show you His love. Jesus loved the unrighteous, Jesus loved the sinners, Jesus loved those who never, ever got it right, Jesus became sin for us as the perfect sacrifice on the Cross. God raised Him from the dead so that anyone who calls on His name would be completely forgiven. Maybe there’s something in your past, that weight of your sin follows you, the shame, the guilt. Anyone who’s in Christ, their sins are forgiven, they’re made completely new. What I hope you can understand is that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. In all of our churches, there are those of you you recognize. He’s not first in your life, today, make Him first, make Him Lord. All of our churches, those who say, I need His forgiveness, I need His grace, when you call on His name, He hears your prayer, He makes you new. That’s the very reason that you’re here today and you can sense it, I need His forgiveness, I turn from my sin, I turn toward Jesus. I give my life to Him. That’s your prayer. Would you lift your hands high right now, all over the place and say, yes, I surrender to Him, right back over there…

    Woo!

    …praise God for you, and over here, as well. Both of you, right up here, thank you, back over here, two hands up…

    Woo!

    …right over here, praise God for you, over here, my goodness gracious. Right back over here, yes, sir, God sees you. Right here, all of you together, my goodness, what’s gonna happen right here together. Church Online, you click right below me. I hope somebody here will just go ahead and worship God for a moment. Tell him thank you, tell him thank you. Let’s take a moment and just join those around you in prayer. Everybody pray aloud, pray Heavenly Father…